There Is No ‘Easy’ Way to Adopt. God Calls Us Anyway
Guest Commentary
Audio By Carbonatix
By Dr. Kimberly Offutt, Crosswalk.com
A lot of parents considering adoption hold two equally urgent — and difficult — emotional realities in balance. On one hand, they feel the call to adoption. They feel the need of the child or children who they’d welcome into their home and life.
On the other hand, they often feel doubt. Are they ready? Can they ever be ready? Is there an “easier” way to adopt, or an “easier” child to adopt?
But if God calls you to adopt, He is going to equip you. And if He is calling you to meet the needs of children waiting for foster and adoptive parents, He is probably calling you to help the overwhelming numbers of older children currently in limbo in the foster care system or preparing to age out without ever having achieved permanent placement.
If we want to “meet the need,” we need to be willing to go where the need really is, and for would-be foster or adoptive parents, that very likely means meeting the needs of older kids.
About 700 kids age out of foster care every year right here in Georgia, where I live. More than 20,000 age out nationally. That means they’ve got nobody to call when the car breaks down, as Bethany Christian Services adoptive parent Della Lago pointed out. They’ve got nobody to call when they’re sitting in the emergency room.
When kids age out of foster care without being adopted or establishing permanency, they face challenges in every aspect of their lives. They often struggle to find housing at all or maintain stable homes. They’re likely to earn less and have a more difficult time finding jobs. They struggle with higher-than-average rates of mental illness, substance abuse, and run-ins with the justice system.
These are the kids who most urgently need our help. These are among the most vulnerable kids in the system.
And adopting older kids can be tough. With older kids — traumatic experiences aside — they’re generally at a developmental stage where they’re interested in asserting independence and gaining autonomy. They’re testing authority. Older kids want to find out who they are, and usually that’s a messy process — even in the best circumstances.
On top of that, older children have usually been in the foster care system longer. They’ve suffered repeated placements, broken attachments, and serial misunderstandings. It doesn’t matter how well-intended or loving their foster parents were, in many cases — the lack of permanency itself is central to their suffering.
Adopting an older child and providing a loving, stable, and healing home is a big decision and an even greater commitment.
But nobody adopts alone.
Bethany Christian Services, where I’m privileged to serve as Georgia’s executive branch director, has built out a myriad of top-tier, research-backed resources for adoptive parents. We have parent coaching. We have youth support groups. We have wraparound, comprehensive support for families who are adopting at every step of the process.
In fact, getting involved with this enormous — and irreplaceable — network of support for adoptive parents is one very important way to support vulnerable children, even if you aren’t called to adoption. Della Lago, the adoptive parent I mentioned earlier, specifically chose Bethany because we had so many resources available to adoptive parents. She knew she needed help. And she got it.
But that was only possible because people decided to invest in her at every step, in so many ways, who were not themselves adoptive parents. They were mentors. They were counselors. They were child welfare professionals and mental health professionals. They were volunteers of every stripe. They were friends, neighbors, and fellow church members.
And they had the resources to connect, love, and support kids and parents in times of emotional need. Every one of us does.
Our own suffering — the days, months, or years we’re often tempted to write off as wasted, lost, or hidden — often equips us to walk alongside others when they need help most. Where God calls, He equips — no matter the calling.
This National Adoption Month, take a step closer to God’s heart for the most vulnerable. Take a step closer to the kids who need us most. Adopt or foster, if you are called. Become part of the dynamic, loving community that upholds adoptive and foster families if you aren’t.
Because God doesn’t call us to easy lives, he doesn’t even call us to lives that make conventional sense. He calls us to love: radical, transformative, uplifting love in His name.
Related Articles
What the Bible Teaches Us about Adoption
5 Ways to Prepare Your Heart for Adoption
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Ridofranz
Dr. Kimberly Offutt is a transformational speaker, author, child advocate, social worker, and adoptive parent. She has spent the last two decades serving in the child welfare field, advocating on behalf of children who are in foster care and available for adoption, and currently serves as the executive branch director in Georgia for Bethany Christian Services.
