6 Ways to Help Your Children Have a Merry Christmas When You Are Going through Grief
Mental Health
Audio By Carbonatix
By Vivian Bricker, Crosswalk.com
When I was seven years old, I faced death for the first time. My grandma passed away due to cancer, and although I didn't fully understand it at the time, it made me deeply sad. The main gist of what I understood was that Mawmaw wasn't around anymore. During this time, my grandpa was at a skilled memory unit as he had been struggling with Alzheimer's for years. A year later, Pawpaw died, and my mom was left without parents. Even though she herself was a parent, it was hard for her to see her own parents pass away. Regardless of how old we are, it is painful to see our loved ones die. When Christmas came around each year after my grandparents died, my mom still tried her best to be merry and bright. She always loved Christmas celebrations, and she was not going to let anything stand in her way. In a way, I think that through the Christmas celebrations, my mom was able to see the beauty of life again.
It always brought my mom such joy to see my siblings and me smiling. I believe, in a way, this helped her to process the pain of losing her parents. Life continued on and she had something to live for. I'm forever grateful for my mom's strength during this time, as it helped us still have wonderful Christmases despite the pain that was raining down around us. If you are also experiencing a season of grief during Christmastime this year, it is reasonable to be concerned about the happiness of your children. You want them to still be able to experience the magic and joy of Christmas, even if you cannot this year. Know that you are a wonderful parent by wanting your child to be happy even when you are going through grief. Many people who go through grief feel guilty for feeling the way they do, but know that it is okay to grieve at any time of the year, and it is also okay to want to make Christmas special for your kids after you have gone through a season of pain. Going through grief is never easy, but there are many ways we can help your children still have a merry Christmas despite the sorrow, pain, and loss.
Allot Your Children Time with Other Family Members
If you are going through grief this Christmas, try to allow your kids to spend time with other family members in order to get them out of the house. This will give them a new scenery and a new perspective on the world. When a person is grieving, it is common for them to be full of sorrow, and even if they try their best to hide it, their kids will know. Try to be real with your kids and share with them that they will spend time with other family members in order for them to experience Christmas in a new way. You won't send your kids away for Christmas, but in the days leading up or as fun activities, they can do events with other family members. This will give you time to grieve on your own and have time to gather your thoughts. While you have time to grieve, your kids will be able to experience the magic of Christmas and build strong bonds with their other family members. In this way, your kids will still be able to have a merry Christmas, and you will be able to navigate your pain.
Share Memories of Loved Ones with Your Children
Christmastime is the perfect time to talk about the memories we had with our loved ones. If you are going through grief right now, it is probably due to losing someone close to you. Talk with your kids about this loved one and share your Christmas memories with them. In this way, you can share some fun memories with them and make their Christmas all the more merry and bright.
For example, if your own parents passed away this past year, tell them stories about Grandma and Grandpa during Christmas. Your kids will love to hear the stories about them, and it might even help you process some of your own grief. By passing on your own stories to your kids, it will keep the memory of your parents alive. While it can be sad to share our memories at times, it can also be extremely healing and soothing to our souls.
Share the Message of Jesus Amidst the Pain
Jesus cares about every single feeling we experience (1 Peter 5:7). Talk with Him about the grief you are going through and lean on Him for support. Tell your kids about how much Jesus has helped you over the years, and also share the message of Christmas with them. By teaching them about Jesus and His birth into the world, it can help your own soul to heal. In other words, talking about Jesus with your kids can help lessen your own pain because it reminds you of the coming Kingdom.
In this coming Kingdom, there will be no more death as the old order of things has passed away (Revelation 21:4). Hold on to this truth during the Christmas season and give glory to the Lord. Through this worship, you can help your kids learn about Jesus and see the brilliance of His coming. The Savior has been born into the world, and He is the Messiah (Luke 2:11). Ultimately, this is what Christmas is all about: Jesus. The Lord’s birth into the world, even amidst the pain, sorrow, and grief, brings hope, merriment, and cheer back into our lives.
Be Okay with Your Kids Seeing Your Sorrow
Sometimes the best way you can help your kids is to simply let them see your pain. As a parent, it is probably hard for you to let your kids see you in any other light but strong, steadfast, and steady. However, when you are going through grief, you need to let your guard down. Allow your kids to see your sorrow this Christmas, and it might help them appreciate the beautiful season even more.
By opening the door of your heart to your kids, it will help them to see a new side of you. They will see how strong, brave, and amazing you are this Christmas. Some of the most moving memories of my mom is when I saw her trying to be brave—even to the point of tears. She wanted all the happy Christmas memories for my sisters and I, but she also knew that meant sharing the harder aspects, including the loss that was in her heart.
Try to Stick with A Routine for Your Kids
When all else fails, sometimes the best thing a person can do to keep their kids happy over Christmas is to try to keep them in a routine. During the start of my eldest sister’s eating disorder, her psychiatrist and therapist said that it was important for the entire family to stick to a routine. This is because whenever you are facing anything traumatic, oftentimes the best thing to do is to keep going and to process things as you continue on in life. Sticking with a routine when everything else is falling apart around you is something I have firsthand experienced in my life, and I do believe it helps to a significant degree.
I don't think it's good to just allow your kids to haphazardly do whatever they want while you are grieving. It can be hard to keep your kids monitored while you are grieving, but by setting a routine in place, it can help prevent kids from growing disheartened, getting into bad habits, or developing concerning symptoms. Keep your kids in a routine this Christmas, and you will see that it will help them stay on the merrier side of things rather than falling into sorrow.
Have Them to Help with Christmas Preparations and Gift Wrapping
During times of grief, it can be hard to focus on Christmas. This often causes us to get behind with all of the Christmas preparations and gift wrapping to be done. Recruit your kids to help you in these areas and it will bring a smile to their faces. The Christmas season never looks as bright as it does when a kid is told they can help mom and dad wrap Christmas presents.
My mom recruited my siblings and I to help her wrap all of the gifts for the year, and to also send them out to our neighbors. This brought my siblings and I so much joy as well as it gave us a sense of importance that we did not have before. It was our responsibility to wrap the gifts and deliver them on Christmas Eve to everyone in the neighborhood, which was a big deal for a kid. In fact, in the mind of a kid, there was nothing more perfect for Christmas.
Rather than beating yourself down for struggling with grief this year, allow it to help you see the Christmas season a bit differently. The grief might help you see the Lord all the more clearly and help you to cherish these memories with your children. They will be more than happy to help you and to surround you with a merry and bright Christmas.
Photo credit: ©Chad Madden/Unsplash
Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate.
