How to Practice Hospitality Without the Stress (and Still Enjoy It!)
Women
Audio By Carbonatix
By Peyton Garland, Crosswalk.com
Concerning biblical hospitality, we most often think of Martha, Jesus’ cousin, who took the task to an unhealthy extreme. She was so focused on cleaning and cooking that she forgot the foundation of hospitality–loving those present in her home. In fact, her tunnel vision was so blinding that she missed out on quality time with the Savior of the world (Luke 10).
But how often do we do the same thing? When it’s our turn to host an event and invite others into our home, we become so obsessed with presentation that we forget God’s calling to welcome others into our space with an intentional heart of gratitude and joy.
I’ll be the first to admit that panicking over whether my cutlery is plastic or glass, or overthinking whether my home decor is too simplistic, leaves me little headspace to focus on the people who will be present in my home.
There is, indeed, a way to practice hospitality without the stress, leaving you less exhausted and more rejuvenated and encouraged by having others over. Consider the following three ways to rewire your mind and challenge your view of hospitality so your next event is truly a warm, enjoyable experience for everyone:
1. Maintain a Realistic Presentation
Perfection can never be a prerequisite for any task left in human hands because it’s simply an impossible standard. Creating a perfectly presentable home is no different.
You don’t have a fairy godmother. Woodland creatures won’t tag-team washing your dishes, sweeping, and folding laundry. Remember that you are only one person, and one person can only do so much by means of household presentation, especially when working, carpooling kids, and balancing other family responsibilities and community commitments.
While you want your house to be clean and tidy, let go of the notion that it must be immaculate to welcome others into your space. It’s hard for someone to feel warm and cozy in a house that looks like no one lives there. This stuffy presentation doesn’t leave room for people to relax or feel at ease, as if they can’t take off their shoes, open a drink, or prop up against the couch cushions, etc.
Hospitality requires humility, and although I encourage you to clean your guest bathroom, sweep the main rooms, and wipe down your kitchen when entertaining guests, don’t add unnecessary stress by worrying about every unscrubbed baseboard. Not every room needs fresh flowers in a vase, and no one will be disappointed if a festive wreath isn’t hanging on the front door.
Those visiting your home to enjoy your company aren’t inspecting every corner of every room. They aren’t stopping by to judge you. They want to enjoy your company, so take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy hosting your family and friends in your well-loved, imperfect home.
2. Delegate Household Responsibilities
You don’t need a mile-long cleaning list to host guests, but some chores must be done. If you are stretched for time while tending to other needs, consider the most strategic way to delegate household responsibilities so everyone participates in welcoming company.
If dinner takes too long, ask your husband to wipe down the kitchen table and set out plates, napkins, silverware, and cups. If the dog made an unexpected muddy splash into the kitchen, ask one of the older children to wipe the floor while you run a last-minute errand to pick up dessert.
It’s not laziness or a lack of preparation when life happens. You can’t predict specific stressors that will invade your efforts at hospitality, like the rolls burning, your child running late at ball practice, or your Amazon delivery man blocking the front door with your packages. These are all unpredictable moments that grant you the opportunity to pivot, which provides the chance to unclench your fists that grip too tightly to a false sense of control.
When you navigate life flexibly, you are better prepared to accept God’s grace, practice patience, and ask others for help, especially when welcoming others into your messy but beautiful life.
3. Invite Guests to Contribute
It only makes sense to ask your kids to clean their rooms and straighten up the main living area if their friends are coming over to play. It’s only natural that you ask your husband to grill if his friends are coming over to watch a football game. These are solid reasons for family members to pitch in and contribute. But it might feel awkward, uncalled for, or even impolite to ask guests to contribute to preparing for an event you’re hosting.
What if they think you’re being tacky, lazy, or inconsiderate? What if this deters them from coming to your house?
In a polite society, and certainly a modern culture that tiptoes around offending others, it’s only natural to consider these questions. However, realizing that you’re cultivating a sense of community when practicing hospitality is essential. It’s less about polite niceties and more about creating an environment where everyone feels equal, seen, and valued.
Community means each party pitches in, and it leaves individuals feeling valued when they can play a part in a fun-filled evening, even if they aren’t hosting at home. Perhaps one of your guests makes the best appetizers. Consider asking them to bring enough for everyone. Not only will this leave one less food item you must prepare, but it also lets this person know that their cooking is spectacular and well-received. If another friend is much better at creating a balloon arch for a wedding or baby shower, ask if they will come over an hour before the event to help you assemble it. Again, this saves you time but allows someone else to use their gifts and do something they enjoy.
Asking others to contribute doesn’t make you inhospitable. It makes you resourceful and creates space for others to showcase their talents and participate in the group.
Personal Practice
My husband and I are life group leaders for the young families in our church, which means we typically host anywhere from 6-12 guests each week (plus lots of babies and toddlers). It didn’t take long to realize that people don’t enjoy our old 1800s farmhouse for its vintage charm, though that’s nice. Instead, they love our home because they feel it’s a place where they can share their hearts, struggles, and testimonies and rest easy, knowing it’s okay, and relatively normal, for little ones to color on the windows, have a potty accident on the floor, or spill milk in every crack and cranny of the kitchen floor.
Likewise, this season of leadership has taught me that most people want to bring the main dish or show off the new sourdough bread they learned to make. Most people don’t mind if children are slinging crayons or Play-Doh across the floor. Most people don’t want to share their hearts and live in a starch-ironed Better Homes and Gardens living room. Instead, they are searching for those hospitable enough to welcome them into a peaceful, not pristine home.
As the holiday season approaches, if hosting others has you feeling overwhelmed, consider this short, simple prayer:
Father, as Psalm 61:2 says, “...I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” I feel anxious and stressed as I prepare to welcome others into my home. I ask that you invade my heart with peace and the gentle reminder that hospitality has never been about perfection but intentional presence. Allow me to rest in an imperfect presentation, help me recognize when to ask others for help, and grant me the grace to find encouragement, joy, and even rest in welcoming others into my home. Thank you for your eternal presence, Lord. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/skynesher
Peyton Garland is an author, editor, and boy mama who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. Subscribe to her blog Uncured+Okay for more encouragement.
