Is Your Love Patient?
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
By Dr. Audrey Davidheiser, Crosswalk.com
How would you answer this question?
I’ll tell you mine after I respond for my husband. His love is definitely patient.
The other day he planted himself on the couch so he could better inspect my mother’s phone. He was setting up her Siri.
“You activate Siri by swiping diagonally. From the corner. No, let me show you. Do it like this.”
After my mom successfully did so, he continued. “Now say, ‘Hey, Siri’.”
She complied.
“Louder this time.”
They repeated this step until her phone’s operating system prompted a new line for her to vocalize. John read it loudly to Mom. “Now say, ‘Hey, Siri. What’s the weather for today?’”
“What’s the weather for today?”
“No, you need to say the entire thing. So say ‘Hey, Siri. What’s the weather for today?’”
Off they went, back and forth, until my mom’s phone recognized her voice commands.
There’s a reason my husband was the one helping my mother with technology instead of me. The man possesses such a deep pool of patience that it might engulf you if you don’t know how to swim.
As for me?
I was hunting for a parking spot on Friday when a slight movement up ahead caught my eye. Perfect! An SUV was trying to back up. My parking problem was about to expire.
I zoomed to position myself behind the car and glanced at the clock, 4:13 pm.
What’s taking so long? Move already.
The other driver couldn’t hear my thoughts, of course, so I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel. Watched a couple of shoppers transfer their groceries into the trunk of their car. Peered at the clock some more.
Strange. It’s still 4:13?
The car I waited for finally moved—but by several inches.
I know several senior citizens who can stroll faster than this car.
The driver’s unhurried pace provoked me to the point that I heard myself exclaiming sarcasm at the sluggish car, “Back up as slowly as possible, puh-lease!”
I glared/glanced toward the driver’s seat when the car finally, mercifully, vacated the parking spot for me to claim. The driver was not elderly.
Now you know my answer to this article’s title. No, my love isn’t patient.
But since I’m also open to growing, I determined to write this piece.
The Many Benefits of Patience
The Bible details insights about why maturing in patience is imperative. For one thing, it leads to completion: “Let perseverance (patience) finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:4). If you ever feel the need for a king to see things your way, apply patience (Proverbs 25:15).
Serious about walking out God’s perfect will? Learn from Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 15-21), whose saga started with God’s promise for an heir. But when their childless status persisted even after their patience petered out, Sara schemed for her husband to sleep with her maid.
A son came, alright—but not the one God had designed. The couple’s baby had to involve Sarah because these two would ultimately propagate the entire tribe of Israel. To mark the occasion, the Lord had prepared not one, but two miracles: Isaac was to be conceived by a father whose body was “as good as dead,” within a mother whose womb was barren (Romans 4:19).
The message God conveyed through this double miracle reverberates through time. If God could spark life within two dead bodies, who then multiplied into an entire nation, what can’t He do for the rest of humanity?
What are you pining for? A spouse? Lakehouse? Cushy savings account? Learn to surrender your will into God’s hands—and wait.
If you let Him move at His own pace, you’ll rejoice at receiving your own Isaac.
But perhaps the most crucial advantage of having ample patience is the number of souls we can reach. When we run low on patience, we’re acting in a discriminatory manner. That’s because impatience compels us to cut off folks who fail to respond fast enough to our liking, which limits the number of people we can serve.
The thing is, humans exhibit different reaction rates. Some congregate on the faster end of the spectrum, others flock around the average range, while still others fall on the slower end. Whether some folks require a longer time to respond because of age, physical disability, mental blocks, or unidentifiable reasons, the more patient we are, the more individuals we can reach.
God’s extravagant love yearns to embrace as many hearts as possible. Notice the italicized word in the apostle Peter’s declaration: “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).
His patience is the reason the world hasn’t ended. His patience buys time and allows for more souls to receive Jesus as Lord, which will then save them from eternal damnation (John 3:16).
As His children, we’re to follow our Father’s example (Ephesians 5:1).
7 Steps to Become More Patient
Galatians 5:22-23 describes patience (also known as longsuffering) as one characteristic of the fruit of the Spirit. These qualities are labeled fruit because the Holy Spirit is the Gardener, cultivating all nine flavors in our lives when we allow Him to do the work.
This intriguing arrangement means both parties are responsible. We can expect the Holy Spirit to do His part, but we also have a role to play.
One way to discharge our responsibility is by applying the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy in addressing parts of our soul that are impatient. So, when you lose your patience, make a mental note of the occasion. Complete the following steps only when you’re alone and have more time:
1. Say to yourself, May I speak with the part that was impatient?
2. Watch for the response from your insides. The impatient part may make its presence known by depositing a thought in your mind (like “That’s me” or “What do you want?”). Or you might start feeling increasingly irritated. Or a physical sensation may catch your attention. Regardless, wait until you receive some affirmation that the impatient part has responded to your invitation to meet.
3. How do you feel toward the impatient part? If your answer is anything except being curious or compassionate, another part of your soul is likely present. Ask all other parts to give you space internally until you can genuinely feel compassionate or curious toward the impatient part.
4. Send your compassion or curiosity to the part.
5. Ask the part, Why are you impatient? Don’t think up the answer. Watch for what unfolds. It’s possible the part’s answer comes in the form of a reel of childhood memories about how your caregivers often snapped at you. Or the part may reveal a belief it carried about the superiority of being speedy.
6. If you have any reaction about what was shown to you, please share it with your part. Thanking it for responding to your earlier inquiry is also appropriate.
7. Refer your part to the benefits of patience we’ve previously discussed. Let it know your intention of becoming more patient. Ask if the part would welcome help toward growing in patience.
As a certified IFS therapist, I can attest to the power of befriending parts—including defiant and resistant ones. The more you approach your impatient part with an open heart, the more it will listen to you. Tell your part about the Holy Spirit’s gentle power to heal your emotional injuries, as well as to grow the fruit of patience in you.
My love isn’t as patient as it will be. I know that. But I intend to do my part to mature in patience, while also letting the Holy Spirit do His work in me.
How about you?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Jantanee Rungpranomkorn
Dr. Audrey Davidheiser (www.aimforbreakthrough.com) is a licensed psychologist in California, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now provides IFS therapy for trauma survivors, including those with religious trauma, and assists in IFS trainings. She has been a regular writer for Crosswalk.com and columnist for iBelieve.com. Her book on how IFS helps the grieving process, Grieving Wholeheartedly, was published by InterVarsity Press in July 2025. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Substack @DrAudreyD.
