3 Things Every Husband Is Called To
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
By Alicia Searl, Crosswalk.com
This is written from a wife's perspective. Hoping to offer a husband a little insight into what his sweet wife really needs.
If I were being open and honest with you, as a young bride (quite a few years ago), I didn't know what I needed. And most likely, my husband didn't know what he needed either. I had this preconceived notion that things would be great, perfect even, once we were married. Yet, my wise mom told me something on my wedding day that didn't resonate with me at the time but still stuck in my heart. She said her love for my dad changed over the years, but she learned to appreciate him for the man he was, not for the man she wanted him to be. Honestly, I couldn't imagine loving my husband any more than I did at that moment. How would my love for him change?
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it took years to build a foundation to stand on in our marriage, and let me tell you, it has been far from perfect. I would also add that our love has changed through the years—a lot. But mainly for the better. Marriage really does take a lifetime to build, and if we seek to love the way God commands us to, we see that the wedding day is just the starting point.
Maybe you opened this article with high hopes. Maybe your foundation feels shaky, and you aren't even sure where you stand with your wife. Between the cold shoulder and subliminal messages, you feel lost. Frustrated. Unsure of your next move. Please don't lose hope. There are ways to reach your wife's heart and start building back the love you both crave.
Let's first start with you. You can't love your wife well if you don't work on the man God is calling you to be. While our society will tell you otherwise, you must arm yourself with Truth. What does the Bible say about being a man of God, henceforth a Godly husband?
Timothy 6:11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.
1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Did you catch that? God is calling you to be strong in your faith. From that bedrock of faith, everything flows. When you get your heart right before God and submit to Him, you give permission to let go of your way and embrace God's way of marriage. You also begin to see your wife differently but beautifully. So, what does your wife need from you? According to the One that created her, she needs you to lead and protect her. (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:7) She needs you to provide for her and your family. (1 Timothy 5:8) And she needs you to cherish her like no other. (1 Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:2)
1. Lead Her with Love
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you1 of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
God is calling you to love your wife in a way that honors and recognizes her as being the weaker vessel. The word vessel in this verse refers to the physical body. While God created a man differently than a woman, He paid special attention to their design (Psalm 139:14), giving each of them distinct attributes that would complement one another and bless each other. These qualities are enhanced in marriage and become a true gift when each of them sees their God-given purpose. God has uniquely equipped you, the husband, to lead and protect your wife and family.
How is this done? You lead by example. You start by your submission to Christ. You become the spiritual leader of the home by standing firm in Joshua 24: 15, which says that you and your household will serve the Lord. You take time to embed the Word of God in the hearts of your children. You seek and find fellowship with other believers so you can all grow spiritually. You shield your wife and children from acts of injustice by praying for and over them. You also learn to read your wife by taking notice of the burdens she carries and offer to step in and help as needed. When your wife sees you leading her and your family with love, she will feel confident to be the woman God is calling her to be as well. That's a win-win for you both!
2. Offer Her the Security She Needs
During a marriage conference we attended quite a few years ago, one of the speakers shared something that struck a chord with me. He said that every woman has a "security gland' that lives inside them. It gets triggered and sends smoke signals when she grows concerned about finances. I believe this to be quite true. A woman will go to great lengths to provide for her children.
However, while it may be her natural instinct to care for and nurture her children, it causes great distress to provide and protect them, thus causing that "security gland" to kick into overdrive. That's because your wife was never meant to protect in this manner; she was designed to feel protected. She needs to feel that she and her children's needs are being met.
1 Timothy 5:8 tells us if we do not provide for our family, we have denied our faith. Your wife depends on you to make sure your family is taken care of not just financially but mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your protection and safety are vital to her.
So how do you keep that security gland in check and help her feel secure? You make sure to meet her basic needs—food, clothing, and shelter. In essence, when you fail in this area, you fail your wife by putting her in a very vulnerable position. While hard times may come and job loss or financial hardship are inevitable, you can still protect your family by thinking ahead. Start by enrolling in a financial class or seek counsel and wisdom for a trusted friend. But, assure your wife that you will do whatever it takes to provide for her, and then do your best to follow through. This will give her peace of mind and calm her concerns.
3. Cherish Her Like No Other
Recently I got the honor of watching my dear parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, and I can say I get it now. My mom has truly lived out her statement of continuing to love my dad more and more throughout the years. She never tried to change my dad but always knew the Lord could make him the man she needed him to be. Her love for him changed (and grew deeper) as she saw his obedience to God.
If you want to see your bride shine as brightly as she did on your wedding day, obey God's command to walk in love by cherishing your wife! (Ephesians 5:2) This act of humble service ministers straight to her heart because you are loving her as Christ did the church. (Ephesians 5:25-31). It reminds her of her value and worth and how precious she is to you.
You can cherish your wife by being servant-hearted, faithful, and encouraging. Serving her with simple acts of kindness such as making her coffee or listening attentively goes a long way. She also needs to know your faithful and committed to her alone. Start by establishing boundaries and guarding your own heart by what you watch and hear. Tell her that you aim to be loyal to her and take action to remain true to that by surrounding yourself with other Godly men that can hold you accountable and offer you wisdom. Lastly, encourage her. Let her know what you love about her and do your best to make it a daily habit; it will speak volumes to her heart.
Now take a deep breath. This may seem like a daunting list, and maybe even a little one-sided, but take heart. Your wife wants to grow more and more in love with you, but more than anything, she needs you to be the husband God is calling you to be. So lead her with love. Offer the security she needs and cherish her like no other. In doing so, you will gain the respect, physical attention, and love you so deeply need.
