What to Do When You Feel Spiritually Disconnected from Your Spouse
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
By Amanda Idleman, Crosswalk.com
God describes a husband and wife as one flesh (Genesis 2:24), meaning that when one grows distant from the Lord, the other also feels that distance. When you are not on the same page spiritually, grief and confusion often enter our relationship. Unity is hard to maintain when we are not both seeking God with all of our hearts, minds, souls, and strength. Yet we often face seasons when one struggles to remain connected to the Lord or is stuck wrestling with God over their questions. Being patient with one another as we walk through valleys is key to preserving our relationship.
As a young Mom, I was overcome by postpartum depression that ushered in an onslaught of questions about who God is and how I could trust him in a world so full of chaos. My struggles strained our marriage. It was hard for my husband to reach me when I was stuck in the dark, unsure how to walk in the light. Questions, anxiety, and fear made it hard for him to interact with me. My faith, while still being important, felt tense and on edge. I was wading through my doubts and didn’t know how to stay close to my husband while I trudged through this season. But by God’s grace, he walked me through my depression and doubts and held together my marriage when marriage felt challenging. Spiritual disconnection does not have to be the end of our stories.
Spiritual Valleys Are a Part of Life
Life’s challenges can strain our relationship with God. Even things that seem good can be a reason for us to pull away from our first love. Over time, as our families grow and our responsibilities multiply, stress compounds. Our full schedules push out any time we once had to remain faithful to the Lord. Exhaustion often leads to burnout, depression, and disconnection.
As we grow in marriage, life also brings new hurts. We have to guard our hearts so that bitterness does not take root in us. Hurts can come from the church, from each other, from extended family, and even from God when life feels unfair. God can use all of these things to teach us; He can offer healing, no matter what hurts we face, but often his work in us is a process.
Sometimes we can walk alongside our partner and wonder why they have not moved forward in their faith more quickly, but we each have different stories that God is working through. God speaks to each of us differently, and sometimes the hurdles you face are very different than your spouse's. Our brains, bodies, and souls react so differently to trauma, to life’s demands, and to God’s Word. As we navigate spiritual growth with our partner, our primary role is that of a prayer warrior. We must diligently ask God to do what only he can do in the life of our spouse.
Examine Your Own Heart
Sometimes we have a clearer view of a situation our spouse is navigating because we are an outside observer. When this is the case, it is so easy to want to offer advice. Advice is not a bad thing, but we have to be sensitive to our spouse to determine whether they are seeking advice or just need someone to love and encourage them in this season. We also have to be careful that in our desire to “fix” things, we aren’t ignoring our own sin.
Psalm 139:23-24 states, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Are we being offensive in how we approach, assess, or confront our spouse? Even if our words are true, but our tone is wrong, we are not loving our partner well. Pride, resentment, or unrealistic expectations can make us a liability to our mate. We may believe we are offering needed correction and encouragement, but really, we are pouring acid on an open wound because we have not rightly judged our own sinful hearts and intentions. We cannot force our partner to resolve their spiritual struggles to appease us. Humility and grace must cover our interactions as we strive to walk alongside one another, even when we are not on the same page spiritually.
Rebuild Spiritual Connection Gently
As you work to reconnect spiritually as a couple, take it slow. Start small, dedicating to short prayers shared together or a brief devotion. Choose one or a couple of days a week to join together in prayer and reflection. Invite your spouse to join you in spiritual rhythms, but give them grace to engage at their own pace.
More than anything, pray privately and faithfully for your spouse! James 5:16 reminds, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Lifting each other up in prayer is a powerful way to advocate for the spiritual growth and change you are longing for.
Gently share with your partner what God is doing in your life. Let them know that God’s Word is guiding you, and that his presence is a comfort. Let your testimony be an encouragement. Find simple ways to worship together, such as playing Christian music in the car or at home. Practice daily gratitude, remembering the Goodness of God at work in your life, and let scripture speak to your situation. Celebrate small steps towards growth and unity.
Communicate with Grace and Honesty
As you navigate your feelings, remember to express yourself without blame. Share how you are feeling, be willing to listen to your spouse’s perspective, and ask open-ended questions to learn more about their spiritual journey. Offer validation and encouragement as you listen to their struggles or doubts. Work together to create emotional safety for spiritual conversations.
If you feel you need support for these conversations or to make sure you are able to remain unified through these struggles, seek out Christian counseling or pastoral support. Seeking our mentors or others in the community who can offer guidance for your specific situation can make a huge difference. Life is done best with the support of others. When we face difficulties in our lives and marriages, leaning on those with expertise and those who love us can be life-changing.
We have to trust God with the process. Psalm 37:4-6 instructs, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.” We can stand on God’s promises for unity and restoration for our relationships. Praying for perseverance and patience for the journey. God is able to do abundantly above and beyond all we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Allow God to work in both your hearts. He cares about your marriage even more than you do. By God’s grace, he can hold us together as we navigate life’s ups and downs.
Related:
What Does Spiritual Leadership in Marriage Look Like?
How to Have a Meaningful Quiet Time Together in Your Marriage
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Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is encouraging others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for Your Nightly Prayer, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, Your Daily Prayer, and more. She has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com, Biblestudytools.com, and Christianity.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas, alongside her husband’s companion devotional, Shepherd. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
