How to Cultivate Meaningful Moments with Your Children
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
By Peyton Garland, Crosswalk.com
Parenthood presents a deeper, richer, but often sadder understanding of time’s fleeting nature. My husband and I had someone explain it to us like this: “The days are long, but the years fly by.”
Whether it’s warming bottles and changing diapers, chasing toddlers without much of a frontal cortex, or holding your breath when your teen promises they saw that stop light in plenty of time, the days can feel a wild and endless, exhausting even. But somehow, as those days drag on and the stresses of the current parenting season feel endless, you wake up one morning, and it’s over.
They’ve grown up, moved on, and left you to realize that there are always things you can never get back. Whether they’ve finally corrected the word they adoringly mispronounced or don’t need you to take them to school anymore, their independence (that you often longed for) comes at the expense of your newfound grief.
Thus, it’s important to cultivate small but meaningful moments with your children amid these long, dragging days. These moments don’t need to be pricey or extravagant; they’re simply meant to be intentional, and if there is one thing children always pick up on, it’s your motives. They are smarter than we give them credit for and can easily read into tone, body language, and temperament. So more than money or fancy things, they want to know they are worth your time. They want to know that they are worth setting the cell phone aside, making eye contact, and thoughtfully listening.
Let your children, no matter their age, know how loved they are by considering three simple ways to make your presence mean so much more to them:
1. Maximizing One-on-One Intervals
If you have a large family, one-on-one time with each child might seem impossible. Odds are, it is impossible unless you prioritize it. While in college, I nannied for a family with three young children who were four, two, and only a few months old. I’m not sure how this mama managed to keep her sanity juggling so many little ones in (rightfully) needy stages, but one thing I will never forget is when she asked that I watch one of the kids so she could spend time with the other. She recognized that her children are individuals who deserve individual attention, even in the little things, like a quick trip to grab an ice cream.
If you don’t have one-on-one intervals with your children, make them happen. You can carve out thirty minutes each week for each child, even if it’s just inviting them to watch a movie with you or asking them to run to the grocery store with you so you can ask about their day.
My favorite childhood memories with my mom aren’t when she and my father took me to Disney World or spent money on a fancy outing. Rather, my favorite memories are when she would ask me to hop in the car with her while she ran to pay the utility bill, and she and I could just spend the car ride hanging out and chatting.
The small, seemingly insignificant things often matter most, so don’t neglect to curate those moments with each of your children.
2. Being Intentional with Your Words
There are many things we can’t control as parents. We can’t control if our kiddos will catch the stomach bug, we can’t control if they will obey their teachers, we can’t control if they will drive responsibly, marry a good guy or gal, or make godly choices when they become parents. However, one thing we can certainly control, one thing the Bible actually commands us to tame (James 3:2-12), is our tongue. Being intentional with your words is a crucial way to create simple but powerful moments with your kids.
You don’t need to be anyone’s poet laureate to make your words matter. They simply need to be honest and encouraging.
For toddlers, this might look like, “You are helping Mommy so much,” when they get a bit too wild with the squirt mop.
For children, this might look like, “You studied so hard for that test, and I’m so sorry you didn’t get the grade you wanted. But I’m beyond proud of the effort you put in. Keep it up!”
For teens, this might look like, “If you ever find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, even if you’ve messed up big, I want to be your first phone call. You’re safe to tell me when you’ve messed up. Trust me, I mess up big, too.”
For adults, this might look like calling and offering a, “Hey! I know you’re busy settling into your new place, but could I bring over some dinner or help you stock the fridge?”
No matter your child’s life season, your words are meant to say, “I see you. I know you. And I love you, even on the hard or boring days.”
Isn’t that the very message God has communicated to us, His children, throughout all the Bible?
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1 (NIV)
3. Seeking Adventure through Their Eyes
My husband and I are big, big adventurers. We love traveling the world. We take the sort of risks that leave my mom saying, “I’m glad you told me after you did that.” But what has been so surprising is the fulfillment I’ve found in seeking adventure through my toddler’s eyes. He’s taking in every little thing for the first time, so he undoubtedly finds pure joy in the smallest details of life, from sticks and trees and mud to dead bugs, cardboard boxes, and electric heaters that look like “FIRE!”.
On some of my hardest days, I find great release when he hugs a tree or dances with joy because it’s snowing on the television. His wide-eyed wonder is not only my chance to practice simple gratitude for life’s little things, but it’s my chance to connect with him, right where he is. It’s an opportunity to ask him why he loves the trees, what color they are, and if he wants to find some at the park. It’s making life less about my definition of fun and more about finding all the thrills I’ll ever need in watching him take on the world, one life stage at a time.
Love isn’t complicated, but it’s certainly detailed. It’s relentless in intentionality. And in this holy pursuit to love, even when things feel overly simple, we find life’s greatest adventures, no matter the season.
Meaningful and Mighty
Motherhood has shown me my selfishness and limitations like nothing else on earth. But in humbly recognizing my limited human capacity, I’ve discovered that keeping things simple, letting small things be filled with rich meaning, is one of the greatest, mightiest weapons I have. Simple intentionality allows me to fight comparison, defeat the demands of a fast-paced, hectic world, and recognize and rebuke the voice of the enemy when he whispers that I’m not doing enough or being enough for my boys.
I pray you take on the challenge to pause and intentionally cultivate small but meaningful ways to let each of your children know how treasured they are. In this process, I pray you find the joy, peace, and fulfillment God only grants the women He has called to be mothers. And in this process that becomes another human’s childhood, I pray they know God is good because of His love you purposely, relentlessly modeled to them.
Peyton Garland is an author, editor, and boy mama who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. Subscribe to her blog Uncured+Okay for more encouragement.
