1. Love with No Conditions

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

When you consider how God loves us, there is one truth that undergirds this. He loves us unconditionally. God didn’t wait until we started acting right or behaving better to love us. Instead, he loved us when we couldn't care less about him. He did not just love us with words but with actions. The same should be for you as a dad.

One thing your children need to know from you is that you will love them no matter what. This does not mean you will always agree with their decisions, but their choices will not diminish your love. In the parable of the two sons (or the Prodigal Son), we see one of the marvelous stories of unconditional love. A son rejected his father, wished he were dead, took his inheritance, and left. Yet after blowing it all and ending up in ruin, when he comes back, the Father runs and embraces him. That is love that has no conditions. Your children may question things about you, but the one thing that should never be in doubt is that they know you love them.

2. Be Present in Their Lives

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Joshua 1:5b

There is security that comes from knowing God will always be with you. Regardless of life's challenges, the comfort of God’s presence walks with us through it all. That level of certainty matters. As a dad, your child will find great delight just by your being in their life. However, being present means more than just being physically present. It means being engaged in every aspect of their life. That means eating together, attending school plays, spending quality time together, and encouraging them in the things they are interested in. Being present means giving them your time and attention. Yes, it means sometimes you put the phone down, close the computer, or turn the game off so you can not only be physically present but also emotionally and mentally present.

I'd like to speak for a moment to fathers who may not live with their children. Not being physically in the home does not mean you can’t be present in their lives. Even if there are issues between you and their mother, that does not give you license to neglect your responsibilities. Whether you are at home or not, your kids need you to show up in their lives. Remember how God shows up for you, and let that motivate you to do the same for your children.

3. Discipline with Purpose

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Discipline is one of the most challenging aspects of being a dad because you know you cannot allow your kids to do anything they want. God surely does not do that with us. With your children, there will be moments when you must discipline them. However, the attitude of discipline should not be one of punishment and judgment. It should be corrective and serve a purpose. The goal is to see changed behavior that produces better results in their lives. This may not feel good, but it is for their good.

Before you discipline, make sure you are in the correct emotional state. Disciplining from a state of anger or rage rarely provides the correction you desire. Instead, it often produces fear and resentment, which can drive your children away from you. If you must, pause for a moment before attempting to discipline your child, then proceed once you are in the right frame of mind, because the goal is correction, not just punishment. This is never easy, but it is part of the Father’s heart.

4. Model a Life of Integrity

“The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” Proverbs 20:7

When I think of integrity, there is one word I think about. Consistency. A man who lives with integrity is the same person behind closed doors as he presents to the world. There are no differences. Your children watch your life, and when they see inconsistency, it becomes confusing to them. If you show kindness and compassion to the world but are a tyrant in your home, that will damage your children in more ways than you can imagine.

One reason we can trust God so much is that he does not change. He is consistent in our lives. You must be the same in your child’s life. A dad who models integrity lives a life of honesty and humility in front of his children. It is not a perfect life that is modeled before them, but a genuine life built on faith, and never being afraid to admit when they are wrong. Doing this will leave a heritage for your children that will bless them long after they have left the safety of your home.

5. Be Quick to Forgive and Slow to Become Angry

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Psalm 103:8

Imagine for a moment that God treated us the way our sins deserved. None of us would be here. God’s heart flows with loving kindness, and the Bible tells us it’s his kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). Your children will make mistakes and do things that will frustrate you. However, if you are going to reflect the Father’s heart, then you should be slow to become angry and quick to forgive.

If everything your child does causes you to blow a gasket, my friend, that is a problem with you, not your child. If you discover you are struggling with this, then you need to spend more time in prayer, asking God to transform your heart. When your children know you will understand their mistakes compassionately and not rage furiously, you keep the doors open to see the change you are seeking.

6. Be an Encourager

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

As a dad, not only does your presence matter, but your words matter. When your kids leave the home, they face a world that will not always be so kind. I am sure you remember growing up. Sometimes we were not so kind to each other. While kids remain the same, the social media society we live in provides no real escape. Social media can now penetrate the safety that home used to provide. That’s why it is crucial that you speak words of life and encouragement to your children. You must define who they are and not anyone else. This is necessary regardless of how old your children are. When the world does what it does, they should know they have a father who will always lift them up and help them keep going.

7. Don’t Let Provision Replace Parenting

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

There is pressure you can feel as a dad to be a provider. Providing for your family is a good thing. However, being a provider does not replace your responsibility to be a parent. It is one piece of it, but it is not all of it. What good is doing everything you can to provide if your kids never see you? Before you take a second or third job to make ends meet, why not figure out if you can shorten the ends? Ask yourself, are you providing for things that are needed or just things that are wanted? Many parents attempt to give their children more than they had when they were growing up. While that idea is noble, if it causes you to work more to provide it, then you must ask: Is it worth it? Being a dad is about the relationship, not just the provision. Yes, you must take care of your children's needs, but don’t forget that, after Christ, their most important need is you.

There you go, dads. Here is your small, very incomplete, dad manual. Now take this and go be the father your children need. If it were only that simple. I know this responsibility is difficult, but thankfully, you are not alone. You can rely on God’s strength, grace, and wisdom to help you become the type of dad you want to be. My advice. Lean on him every day, because you will need it. With that, as you continue on your dad journey, I leave you these two verses to guide you along the way.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverb 3:5-6 (NLT)

1. Love with No Conditions

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

When you consider how God loves us, there is one truth that undergirds this. He loves us unconditionally. God didn’t wait until we started acting right or behaving better to love us. Instead, he loved us when we couldn't care less about him. He did not just love us with words but with actions. The same should be for you as a dad.

One thing your children need to know from you is that you will love them no matter what. This does not mean you will always agree with their decisions, but their choices will not diminish your love. In the parable of the two sons (or the Prodigal Son), we see one of the marvelous stories of unconditional love. A son rejected his father, wished he were dead, took his inheritance, and left. Yet after blowing it all and ending up in ruin, when he comes back, the Father runs and embraces him. That is love that has no conditions. Your children may question things about you, but the one thing that should never be in doubt is that they know you love them.

2. Be Present in Their Lives

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Joshua 1:5b

There is security that comes from knowing God will always be with you. Regardless of life's challenges, the comfort of God’s presence walks with us through it all. That level of certainty matters. As a dad, your child will find great delight just by your being in their life. However, being present means more than just being physically present. It means being engaged in every aspect of their life. That means eating together, attending school plays, spending quality time together, and encouraging them in the things they are interested in. Being present means giving them your time and attention. Yes, it means sometimes you put the phone down, close the computer, or turn the game off so you can not only be physically present but also emotionally and mentally present.

I'd like to speak for a moment to fathers who may not live with their children. Not being physically in the home does not mean you can’t be present in their lives. Even if there are issues between you and their mother, that does not give you license to neglect your responsibilities. Whether you are at home or not, your kids need you to show up in their lives. Remember how God shows up for you, and let that motivate you to do the same for your children.

3. Discipline with Purpose

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Discipline is one of the most challenging aspects of being a dad because you know you cannot allow your kids to do anything they want. God surely does not do that with us. With your children, there will be moments when you must discipline them. However, the attitude of discipline should not be one of punishment and judgment. It should be corrective and serve a purpose. The goal is to see changed behavior that produces better results in their lives. This may not feel good, but it is for their good.

Before you discipline, make sure you are in the correct emotional state. Disciplining from a state of anger or rage rarely provides the correction you desire. Instead, it often produces fear and resentment, which can drive your children away from you. If you must, pause for a moment before attempting to discipline your child, then proceed once you are in the right frame of mind, because the goal is correction, not just punishment. This is never easy, but it is part of the Father’s heart.

4. Model a Life of Integrity

“The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” Proverbs 20:7

When I think of integrity, there is one word I think about. Consistency. A man who lives with integrity is the same person behind closed doors as he presents to the world. There are no differences. Your children watch your life, and when they see inconsistency, it becomes confusing to them. If you show kindness and compassion to the world but are a tyrant in your home, that will damage your children in more ways than you can imagine.

One reason we can trust God so much is that he does not change. He is consistent in our lives. You must be the same in your child’s life. A dad who models integrity lives a life of honesty and humility in front of his children. It is not a perfect life that is modeled before them, but a genuine life built on faith, and never being afraid to admit when they are wrong. Doing this will leave a heritage for your children that will bless them long after they have left the safety of your home.

5. Be Quick to Forgive and Slow to Become Angry

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Psalm 103:8

Imagine for a moment that God treated us the way our sins deserved. None of us would be here. God’s heart flows with loving kindness, and the Bible tells us it’s his kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). Your children will make mistakes and do things that will frustrate you. However, if you are going to reflect the Father’s heart, then you should be slow to become angry and quick to forgive.

If everything your child does causes you to blow a gasket, my friend, that is a problem with you, not your child. If you discover you are struggling with this, then you need to spend more time in prayer, asking God to transform your heart. When your children know you will understand their mistakes compassionately and not rage furiously, you keep the doors open to see the change you are seeking.

6. Be an Encourager

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

As a dad, not only does your presence matter, but your words matter. When your kids leave the home, they face a world that will not always be so kind. I am sure you remember growing up. Sometimes we were not so kind to each other. While kids remain the same, the social media society we live in provides no real escape. Social media can now penetrate the safety that home used to provide. That’s why it is crucial that you speak words of life and encouragement to your children. You must define who they are and not anyone else. This is necessary regardless of how old your children are. When the world does what it does, they should know they have a father who will always lift them up and help them keep going.

7. Don’t Let Provision Replace Parenting

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

There is pressure you can feel as a dad to be a provider. Providing for your family is a good thing. However, being a provider does not replace your responsibility to be a parent. It is one piece of it, but it is not all of it. What good is doing everything you can to provide if your kids never see you? Before you take a second or third job to make ends meet, why not figure out if you can shorten the ends? Ask yourself, are you providing for things that are needed or just things that are wanted? Many parents attempt to give their children more than they had when they were growing up. While that idea is noble, if it causes you to work more to provide it, then you must ask: Is it worth it? Being a dad is about the relationship, not just the provision. Yes, you must take care of your children's needs, but don’t forget that, after Christ, their most important need is you.

There you go, dads. Here is your small, very incomplete, dad manual. Now take this and go be the father your children need. If it were only that simple. I know this responsibility is difficult, but thankfully, you are not alone. You can rely on God’s strength, grace, and wisdom to help you become the type of dad you want to be. My advice. Lean on him every day, because you will need it. With that, as you continue on your dad journey, I leave you these two verses to guide you along the way.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverb 3:5-6 (NLT)