When Is Parenting an Idol?
Parenting
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By Amanda Idleman, Crosswalk.com
Parenthood is such a gift. Psalm 127:3 declares, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” As Moms and Dads, we intuitively know this in our bones the second we meet our children. Something like what is described at the end of The Grinch movie happens, and our hearts expand miraculously at the sight of our children.
Additionally, our culture pushes us to make our children the center of our lives. We are to remove obstacles for our children, become parenting experts to make sure we find the “best” way to do things, and endlessly invest and sacrifice for them. Of course, God also wants us to love our families with a sacrificial love. The work of investing in family is close to His heart, and while many others may not celebrate your investment in your home, God sees your gracious love for your kids and honors it.
Yet, there is a fine line that we all have to navigate as parents, as it’s easy for our children’s safekeeping, success, and needs to overtake our lives. Parenting becomes an idol when our love for them gets in the way of our ability to follow God’s will for our lives, trust God, and live surrendered to him.
Biblical Meaning of Idolatry
Exodus 20:3 commands, “You shall have no other gods before me.” God is telling his people that God alone comes first in their lives. Ezekiel 14:3 states, “Son of man, these men have set up idols in their hearts and put wicked stumbling blocks before their faces. Should I let them inquire of me at all?” Idols get in the way of our worship and trust in God. Often, our modern idols appear to represent desirable things, such as success, wealth, fame, ambition, and more. They are the things in our lives that consume our time and that we often trust in more than we trust in God. These things start to become part of our identity and mean more to us than who we are in Christ.
The Bible calls us to be a good steward of the things we have been given rather than worship the lives we’ve been given. We steward our children’s hearts. We care for our homes, careers, kids, and communities. We worship and honor God with our words and actions. 1 Peter 4:10 instructs, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” As stewards, we recognize that God has ultimate control over our lives, and we must trust Him with all that we have.
Parenting Can Easily Become an Idol
Parenthood is a holy and transformative experience. I remember taking home my first precious baby boy and being so completely terrified to ever let him out of my sight. I wasn't even sure how I would ever be able to shower again on my own!
Knowing my son and loving him taught me a lot about God’s love, but it also revealed many holes in my faith. I began to question my trust in God and his goodness. Fear and anxiety became my unwanted companions—I was so terrified of anything happening to my perfect child. God led me through a journey of questioning, and ultimately, I had to surrender my fears to the Lord as well as my love for my child over to Him. He alone controls the destiny of my children, and there is nothing I can do to change that.
As my children grow older, the temptation to idolize them changes. It goes from a deep desire to protect and control them to a need for their success to define my worth as a mother. I want my good parenting to produce a “good outcome” but the truth is every good gift comes from the Lord alone (James 1:17). Ultimately my job as a parent is to be faithful to the call on my own life than it is for me to be deemed successful through the accomplishments of my children.
How I parent is something I have to work out with the Lord because ultimately, faith-based parenting is rooted in a deep love for Jesus in our own hearts as parents. Fear or performance-based parenting is driven by a need to control our kids and to see them achieve. God invites us to trust God with our kids rather than believe that it is our job to save our kids. God alone saves. We can share the knowledge and love of Jesus, but we cannot force our children to believe or become. They have their own journey that they alone are responsible for as they grow into adults.
Indications that Parenting May Have Become an Idol
We have to keep our hearts in check as parents; it’s so easy to fall into believing that we hold all the responsibility for our children rather than trusting God with our kids' stories. Here are some questions we can ask to evaluate if our hearts are in the right place as parents:
-Is your emotional well-being dependent on your child’s performance?
-Are you disobeying God’s Word in order to appease or protect your child?
-Do you have chronic anxiety around your child’s future and well-being?
-Is your identity primarily rooted in your role as a parent?
-Are you struggling to relinquish control over your child as they grow and mature?
-Are you neglecting your marriage, faith, or other parts of your life because your children are all-consuming?
God’s Design: Parents Are Stewards, Not Owners
When we take on an improper burden for the lives of our kids, the pressure can be truly overwhelming! There is such freedom when we begin to recognize that God gave us children as a precious gift to steward through the power of the Holy Spirit. We do not have to bear the weight of their every decision, and we can embrace God’s grace for our own failures as parents, too!
Isaiah 40:11 puts it this way, “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” What a beautiful picture of parenthood! We are being gently led by God’s grace on this epic and eternally valuable journey. We are not alone as we hold joy and process the grief that is felt as we love our kids well and entrust them to God’s hands over and over again.
As a Mom of six beautiful kids, I feel I am constantly having to remind myself of God’s design for parenthood. I am constantly battling the pressure of parenthood, guilt of my failures, my desire to control my children, and my need to be defined by their success or failures. It’s so easy in a role that is often all-consuming to lose sight of God’s grace and provision for the journey. Over and over again, I have to release my children back into His care. I have to choose to trust God when I am anxious about my children’s actions or futures. I have to seek Him when I am unsure what comes next, what they need, or how to respond. Mostly, I have to practice radical dependence on the Lord in order to parent His way, not my own.
God invites us not to love our children less but to love God more and to remember at every turn that God loves them most. The good news is God is gracious and patient with us imperfect parents. We have to keep asking for his gentle lead, responding to the prompts of the Spirit. As we trust God more with our kids, they will see in us a true faith that inspires. They flourish when God is our first priority and at the center of our homes, not them.
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Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is encouraging others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for Your Nightly Prayer, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, Your Daily Prayer, and more. She has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com, Biblestudytools.com, and Christianity.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas, alongside her husband’s companion devotional, Shepherd. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
