1. Write Thank You Notes for the Most Basic Things

To this day, I have a thank you note my husband left for me by the coffee maker that simply told me thank you for always cleaning the bathroom. Though I often (begrudgingly) joke that this man never, ever, cleans the toilet, I recognize that he appreciates the hundreds of times I have and will. Gratitude isn't about hailing the action performed but celebrating the soul behind the deed who needs to know they're seen and treasured. 

Maybe your spouse always takes out the trash because it grosses you out. Have you ever thought he might hate this chore too but does it each week just because he loves you? Thank him for that with a simple note tucked in the steering wheel of his truck. Perhaps your wife is always the one to wipe down the yucky high chair after dinner each night because that's its own level of disgusting to you. Leave her a thank you note on the (clean) high chair tray for the next morning. 

When you thank your spouse for the basic, everyday things, you give them the strength to keep showing up to the mundane with a renewed sense of purpose. That's where the joy that lasts all life's seasons is built. 

2. When They Make You Mad, Count What's Going Right

As a stay-at-home mama who also works, chasing a toddler all day comes with constant uphill battles. A few weeks ago, I had reached my breaking point by dinnertime. I was washing dishes and asked my husband to take our little guy to play so I could have some quiet. My husband's idea of allowing me quiet time was toting our son one room over to the piano and allowing him to bang away on the keys. 

I was ready to throw the kitchen sink directly at my husband's head. (Good thing it's an old-timey porcelain one that I couldn't pick up if I tried...)

Rather than list all the reasons I wanted to cause this man of mine bodily harm, I started counting all the things I was grateful for: dirty dishes were a sign we had enjoyed a home-cooked meal together, a baby banging on the piano was a sign he is healthy and full of life, and a hubby willing to play with our son is a true treasure so many women don't ever receive. 

No one talks about it much, but showing your spouse gratitude starts with your headspace. It requires you to put aside your frustrations and worries and focus on the good things surrounding you. This is your first step to inaubily say, "Thank you." When you can count all the things going right despite the chaos in front of you, you position yourself to do so much more than puff an obligatory "thanks." You are able to live in gratitude, and that creates a home where everyone feels appreciated. 

3. Remember What They Said

Did your husband off-handedly mention how much he enjoys that one coffee shop's house roast? Surprise him with a cup one morning. Did your wife casually mention that she needs to fill up the car with gas tomorrow morning? Knock that out for her tonight. 

Odds are, you married your partner because they made you feel seen and heard like no one else. Reaffirm this by truly hearing what they say, especially those off-handed, random things. This lets them know you are grateful for who they are and want them to feel heard and respected, even in simple things like cups of coffee and gas station visits. 

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Wipada Wipawin

4. Incorporate Others in Your "Thank You"

It's such a blessing when all the people you love, love one another. It makes life so much easier, not only during the holidays but year-round. Incorporate others in your gratitude toward your spouse, letting them feel all the love from all their favorite people. This might look like:

-having the kids decorate thank you cards and taping them on Mom's bathroom mirror.
-inviting his friends over for a Monday Night Football party with all his favorite gameday snacks.
-giving her a gift card that pays for her and her mom to get their nails done.
-helping the kids knock out Dad's outdoor chores.

Get creative with this one! 

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ziga Plahutar

5. Thank God for Them Daily

We don't typically think of prayer as a way to show a person that we appreciate them, but here's the thing: prayer changes everything, especially our relationships. Prayer is our connection to the God who is love, the God who shows us what it means to love our spouse unconditionally. When you stay in tune with Him and bring to mind all the reasons you're grateful God blessed you with your spouse, that heart of thanks will naturally guide how you interact with your partner. 

Note: it's important to be specific here. Don't simply breeze through a "Thanks for my spouse, God," prayer. Thank God that he brought this person to you when you doubted you would ever find someone, when you were betrayed by another, or when you felt as though no one saw you for who you truly were. Thank God for their patience, hard work, loving nature, respect for your family, love of your dreams, etc. When you speak what you're grateful for, specifically to God, it transforms your heart. 

Though your spouse might not hear this thank you prayer, they will feel it in the way you allow your conversations with God to soften your heart toward them. 

1. Write Thank You Notes for the Most Basic Things

To this day, I have a thank you note my husband left for me by the coffee maker that simply told me thank you for always cleaning the bathroom. Though I often (begrudgingly) joke that this man never, ever, cleans the toilet, I recognize that he appreciates the hundreds of times I have and will. Gratitude isn't about hailing the action performed but celebrating the soul behind the deed who needs to know they're seen and treasured. 

Maybe your spouse always takes out the trash because it grosses you out. Have you ever thought he might hate this chore too but does it each week just because he loves you? Thank him for that with a simple note tucked in the steering wheel of his truck. Perhaps your wife is always the one to wipe down the yucky high chair after dinner each night because that's its own level of disgusting to you. Leave her a thank you note on the (clean) high chair tray for the next morning. 

When you thank your spouse for the basic, everyday things, you give them the strength to keep showing up to the mundane with a renewed sense of purpose. That's where the joy that lasts all life's seasons is built. 

2. When They Make You Mad, Count What's Going Right

As a stay-at-home mama who also works, chasing a toddler all day comes with constant uphill battles. A few weeks ago, I had reached my breaking point by dinnertime. I was washing dishes and asked my husband to take our little guy to play so I could have some quiet. My husband's idea of allowing me quiet time was toting our son one room over to the piano and allowing him to bang away on the keys. 

I was ready to throw the kitchen sink directly at my husband's head. (Good thing it's an old-timey porcelain one that I couldn't pick up if I tried...)

Rather than list all the reasons I wanted to cause this man of mine bodily harm, I started counting all the things I was grateful for: dirty dishes were a sign we had enjoyed a home-cooked meal together, a baby banging on the piano was a sign he is healthy and full of life, and a hubby willing to play with our son is a true treasure so many women don't ever receive. 

No one talks about it much, but showing your spouse gratitude starts with your headspace. It requires you to put aside your frustrations and worries and focus on the good things surrounding you. This is your first step to inaubily say, "Thank you." When you can count all the things going right despite the chaos in front of you, you position yourself to do so much more than puff an obligatory "thanks." You are able to live in gratitude, and that creates a home where everyone feels appreciated. 

3. Remember What They Said

Did your husband off-handedly mention how much he enjoys that one coffee shop's house roast? Surprise him with a cup one morning. Did your wife casually mention that she needs to fill up the car with gas tomorrow morning? Knock that out for her tonight. 

Odds are, you married your partner because they made you feel seen and heard like no one else. Reaffirm this by truly hearing what they say, especially those off-handed, random things. This lets them know you are grateful for who they are and want them to feel heard and respected, even in simple things like cups of coffee and gas station visits. 

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Wipada Wipawin

4. Incorporate Others in Your "Thank You"

It's such a blessing when all the people you love, love one another. It makes life so much easier, not only during the holidays but year-round. Incorporate others in your gratitude toward your spouse, letting them feel all the love from all their favorite people. This might look like:

-having the kids decorate thank you cards and taping them on Mom's bathroom mirror.
-inviting his friends over for a Monday Night Football party with all his favorite gameday snacks.
-giving her a gift card that pays for her and her mom to get their nails done.
-helping the kids knock out Dad's outdoor chores.

Get creative with this one! 

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Ziga Plahutar

5. Thank God for Them Daily

We don't typically think of prayer as a way to show a person that we appreciate them, but here's the thing: prayer changes everything, especially our relationships. Prayer is our connection to the God who is love, the God who shows us what it means to love our spouse unconditionally. When you stay in tune with Him and bring to mind all the reasons you're grateful God blessed you with your spouse, that heart of thanks will naturally guide how you interact with your partner. 

Note: it's important to be specific here. Don't simply breeze through a "Thanks for my spouse, God," prayer. Thank God that he brought this person to you when you doubted you would ever find someone, when you were betrayed by another, or when you felt as though no one saw you for who you truly were. Thank God for their patience, hard work, loving nature, respect for your family, love of your dreams, etc. When you speak what you're grateful for, specifically to God, it transforms your heart. 

Though your spouse might not hear this thank you prayer, they will feel it in the way you allow your conversations with God to soften your heart toward them.