1. Your Marriage Is Part of a Much Bigger Story

Ephesians 5:25-32

One of the hallmark verses when it comes to marriage is found in Ephesians 5:25-32. Here we see that the husband is supposed to love and serve his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church. There are quite a few nuggets of truth in that passage. We learn about the need to sacrifice, to spiritually lead, and to have her personal holiness as the goal for our relationship. It’s a gold mine when it comes to developing a portrait of how you should be as a husband.

Yet, Paul turns everything on its head (or maybe right-side up) when he tells us that the whole time he has been talking about Christ and the church. What this tells us is that our marriage is far more than just two people loving one another as God would have us love. Our marriage is a shadow of a much greater reality. How a husband loves his wife proclaims to the world what it means for Jesus to love His church. That’s a pretty high bar.

I am humbled — truly humbled and not in the humblebrag sense — that how I love my wife either tells the truth about God or it tells a lie.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Hiraman

2. A Husband’s Love for His Wife Is Not Founded upon Her Love for Him

Romans 5:8

I’m riffing here off Ephesians 5 still. If we connect this to Romans 5:8 and reflect upon how God loves us — specifically how Christ loves His bride — we see that it is not founded upon our love for him. Romans 5:8 tells us that His love is demonstrated in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died. It wasn’t when we cleaned ourselves up, or even when we responded favorably to Him that He decided to die on our behalf.

In the same way, husbands are called to model this kind of love. It can be tempting to think that our job of sacrificing and loving well is dependent upon how well our wife responds to our love or leadership. We can sinfully withhold affection from our wives. Sinful husbands will love their wives upon condition. But our standard is Christ. And Jesus loves us even when we’re quite the scoundrels towards him.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Kiwis

3. Your Prayer Life Can Be Hindered by How You Treat Your Wife

1 Peter 3:7

God loves your wife so much that he is willing to hinder His relationship with you if you’re treating her like a bear. What we see in this passage is that our wives are more vulnerable than we are. They are a treasure which God has given us to nurture and care for. God will always protect the vulnerable. What that means is that if we’re not relating to our wife in gentleness, God will hinder our prayer life.

You cannot get very far in the Christian life without a vibrant prayer life. And you can’t have a vibrant prayer life if you’re harboring bitterness towards your wife, and if you’re acting out on that bitterness. Perhaps a prayer of repentance and a change in attitude is in order. If you feel distance between you and God, perhaps consider how you’re treating your wife.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/AndreyPopov via Canva Pro

4. You Should Delight in Her Strengths

Proverbs 31:10-31

I like being able to open pickle jars for my wife. It’s more than pickle jars, though. I love being able to use my strength to help her. I think it’s part of my calling as a husband. I have an impulse to protect and provide for her and my children. Yet, if I’m not careful this can turn into an unhealthy relationship. My strength isn’t supposed to squelch hers. My strength is supposed to be used to bring about her flourishing.

Husbands can be threatened by the strength of a wife — maybe we feel like we’ll lose our job of opening the pickle jars. But Proverbs 31 teaches us that a husband and wife praise the woman because of her strengths. They are bringing honor to the family. Rather than seeing them as a threat, we should make them our delight.

Something I want to say to my wife more is, “I love to see you shine.”

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

5. Your Wife Is God’s Provision for You, and You for Her

Genesis 2:18

From the very beginning of our story, we see that marriage is a provision from God. It is impossible for Adam to reflect a communal God by himself. He needed a suitable helper. The Hebrew word for helper is ezer, it’s often used to describe God Himself as a helper to His people. The wife is not in a subordinate and less vital role — but is a God-given provision for her husband.

Likewise, the husband is God’s provision for his wife. Yes, the Old Testament (and much of the New) was set in a patriarchal society. Things might be a little different in our culture. Yet, we do see that there is a call upon husbands to be loving leaders and to care for our wives. Look at how much Ruth needed Boaz to be her provision.

I’m not arguing for an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. But at the same time, we do need each other. We are God’s provision for one another. That’s not to say that singles or widows are unprotected. God cares for all of us. But we should see our spouse as God’s unique provision for us. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. That includes your marriage. Live like it’s a gift.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Christopher Robbins

6. We Are to Be Stewards of Our Spouses

1 Corinthians 4:2

Hopefully this goes without saying, but your wife does not belong to you. Yes, there is a sense in which we do belong to one another — like in 1 Corinthians 7:4. But that is speaking about provision and not so much ownership. Your wife is God’s gift to you. She should be your source of marital satisfaction (in all areas). And we will be held accountable for how we have stewarded this gift.

I will stand before God and given an account for how I have loved my wife, how I have nurtured her, cared for her, modeled Christ with her, and how I have been faithful to her. What have I done with this gift of a spouse? Have I selfishly buried it or attempted to only use it for myself? Or am I stewarding this gift for the furtherance of God’s kingdom?

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Yakobchuk Olena

7. You Are Expected to Be a Servant Leader

Mark 10:43-45

There seems to be no small amount of discussion these days about who is supposed to be leading the family, the nation, our churches, etc. And I always find this odd. If we realized what leadership really means, I don’t think we’d have the race to the “front.” Because leadership isn’t about being in the front — it’s being down at the feet, humbly washing.

In Mark 10:43-45 we see a model for true leadership. Leadership isn’t about dominance; it’s about sacrifice so that another can flourish. God’s kingdom comes through serving others, and this directly applies to how husbands lead within their marriage. We are not called to lead by force or control but by sacrificially serving. In whatever capacity God has given you to lead, you are to do it as a servant.

Servant leadership, though, isn’t about a few grand gestures; it’s a daily commitment to dying to self for the sake of another. We are to reflect the heart of Christ, who came “not to be served, but to serve.” A servant leader models Christ. And now we’ve come full-circle. The way we image God rightly in our marriages is by leading as Christ calls us to lead.

Now click here to read Surprising Things the Bible Says about Being a Wife

Related Resource: 7 Character Traits That Create Resilient Relationships

In marriage and relationships, it’s crucial to understand how to build resilient relationships. Resilience isn’t about never facing challenges; it’s about facing them, growing through them, and becoming better because of them. Not everyone who faces hardship in relationships develops resilience; many become bitter and disillusioned. Having been married for 25 years, my husband Shaun and I have faced numerous marriage problems. From infidelity and financial crises to family losses and parenting struggles, we've endured it all. If you’ve followed our journey, you know that these challenges have fortified our resilience in profound ways. Listen to this episode of Rebuilding Us as we discuss the seven character traits of building or rebuilding marriages and relationships of resilience. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to The Rebuilding Us Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/kieferpix

1. Your Marriage Is Part of a Much Bigger Story

Ephesians 5:25-32

One of the hallmark verses when it comes to marriage is found in Ephesians 5:25-32. Here we see that the husband is supposed to love and serve his wife in the same way that Christ loved the church. There are quite a few nuggets of truth in that passage. We learn about the need to sacrifice, to spiritually lead, and to have her personal holiness as the goal for our relationship. It’s a gold mine when it comes to developing a portrait of how you should be as a husband.

Yet, Paul turns everything on its head (or maybe right-side up) when he tells us that the whole time he has been talking about Christ and the church. What this tells us is that our marriage is far more than just two people loving one another as God would have us love. Our marriage is a shadow of a much greater reality. How a husband loves his wife proclaims to the world what it means for Jesus to love His church. That’s a pretty high bar.

I am humbled — truly humbled and not in the humblebrag sense — that how I love my wife either tells the truth about God or it tells a lie.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Hiraman

2. A Husband’s Love for His Wife Is Not Founded upon Her Love for Him

Romans 5:8

I’m riffing here off Ephesians 5 still. If we connect this to Romans 5:8 and reflect upon how God loves us — specifically how Christ loves His bride — we see that it is not founded upon our love for him. Romans 5:8 tells us that His love is demonstrated in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died. It wasn’t when we cleaned ourselves up, or even when we responded favorably to Him that He decided to die on our behalf.

In the same way, husbands are called to model this kind of love. It can be tempting to think that our job of sacrificing and loving well is dependent upon how well our wife responds to our love or leadership. We can sinfully withhold affection from our wives. Sinful husbands will love their wives upon condition. But our standard is Christ. And Jesus loves us even when we’re quite the scoundrels towards him.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Kiwis

3. Your Prayer Life Can Be Hindered by How You Treat Your Wife

1 Peter 3:7

God loves your wife so much that he is willing to hinder His relationship with you if you’re treating her like a bear. What we see in this passage is that our wives are more vulnerable than we are. They are a treasure which God has given us to nurture and care for. God will always protect the vulnerable. What that means is that if we’re not relating to our wife in gentleness, God will hinder our prayer life.

You cannot get very far in the Christian life without a vibrant prayer life. And you can’t have a vibrant prayer life if you’re harboring bitterness towards your wife, and if you’re acting out on that bitterness. Perhaps a prayer of repentance and a change in attitude is in order. If you feel distance between you and God, perhaps consider how you’re treating your wife.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/AndreyPopov via Canva Pro

4. You Should Delight in Her Strengths

Proverbs 31:10-31

I like being able to open pickle jars for my wife. It’s more than pickle jars, though. I love being able to use my strength to help her. I think it’s part of my calling as a husband. I have an impulse to protect and provide for her and my children. Yet, if I’m not careful this can turn into an unhealthy relationship. My strength isn’t supposed to squelch hers. My strength is supposed to be used to bring about her flourishing.

Husbands can be threatened by the strength of a wife — maybe we feel like we’ll lose our job of opening the pickle jars. But Proverbs 31 teaches us that a husband and wife praise the woman because of her strengths. They are bringing honor to the family. Rather than seeing them as a threat, we should make them our delight.

Something I want to say to my wife more is, “I love to see you shine.”

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

5. Your Wife Is God’s Provision for You, and You for Her

Genesis 2:18

From the very beginning of our story, we see that marriage is a provision from God. It is impossible for Adam to reflect a communal God by himself. He needed a suitable helper. The Hebrew word for helper is ezer, it’s often used to describe God Himself as a helper to His people. The wife is not in a subordinate and less vital role — but is a God-given provision for her husband.

Likewise, the husband is God’s provision for his wife. Yes, the Old Testament (and much of the New) was set in a patriarchal society. Things might be a little different in our culture. Yet, we do see that there is a call upon husbands to be loving leaders and to care for our wives. Look at how much Ruth needed Boaz to be her provision.

I’m not arguing for an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. But at the same time, we do need each other. We are God’s provision for one another. That’s not to say that singles or widows are unprotected. God cares for all of us. But we should see our spouse as God’s unique provision for us. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. That includes your marriage. Live like it’s a gift.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Christopher Robbins

6. We Are to Be Stewards of Our Spouses

1 Corinthians 4:2

Hopefully this goes without saying, but your wife does not belong to you. Yes, there is a sense in which we do belong to one another — like in 1 Corinthians 7:4. But that is speaking about provision and not so much ownership. Your wife is God’s gift to you. She should be your source of marital satisfaction (in all areas). And we will be held accountable for how we have stewarded this gift.

I will stand before God and given an account for how I have loved my wife, how I have nurtured her, cared for her, modeled Christ with her, and how I have been faithful to her. What have I done with this gift of a spouse? Have I selfishly buried it or attempted to only use it for myself? Or am I stewarding this gift for the furtherance of God’s kingdom?

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Yakobchuk Olena

7. You Are Expected to Be a Servant Leader

Mark 10:43-45

There seems to be no small amount of discussion these days about who is supposed to be leading the family, the nation, our churches, etc. And I always find this odd. If we realized what leadership really means, I don’t think we’d have the race to the “front.” Because leadership isn’t about being in the front — it’s being down at the feet, humbly washing.

In Mark 10:43-45 we see a model for true leadership. Leadership isn’t about dominance; it’s about sacrifice so that another can flourish. God’s kingdom comes through serving others, and this directly applies to how husbands lead within their marriage. We are not called to lead by force or control but by sacrificially serving. In whatever capacity God has given you to lead, you are to do it as a servant.

Servant leadership, though, isn’t about a few grand gestures; it’s a daily commitment to dying to self for the sake of another. We are to reflect the heart of Christ, who came “not to be served, but to serve.” A servant leader models Christ. And now we’ve come full-circle. The way we image God rightly in our marriages is by leading as Christ calls us to lead.

Now click here to read Surprising Things the Bible Says about Being a Wife

Related Resource: 7 Character Traits That Create Resilient Relationships

In marriage and relationships, it’s crucial to understand how to build resilient relationships. Resilience isn’t about never facing challenges; it’s about facing them, growing through them, and becoming better because of them. Not everyone who faces hardship in relationships develops resilience; many become bitter and disillusioned. Having been married for 25 years, my husband Shaun and I have faced numerous marriage problems. From infidelity and financial crises to family losses and parenting struggles, we've endured it all. If you’ve followed our journey, you know that these challenges have fortified our resilience in profound ways. Listen to this episode of Rebuilding Us as we discuss the seven character traits of building or rebuilding marriages and relationships of resilience. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to The Rebuilding Us Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/kieferpix