4 Ways to Survive Thanksgiving Alone
Autumn & Thanksgiving
Audio By Carbonatix
By Jaime Jo Wright, Crosswalk.com
It's that time of year. Everything seems to be about pumpkin spice, flannel, cozy fireplaces, cinnamon and nutmeg, and everything related to Autumn. Now, Thanksgiving is coming around the corner. We're starting to see handprint construction paper turkeys on windows, pilgrim hats tacked to the church bulletin board, and let's not get started on the grocery store displays.
Or, maybe, let's because they're mouth-watering displays. Shelves of canned pumpkin and apple pie filling, spices, marshmallows, baked goods ingredients for gingerbread cake and molasses cookies, and snickerdoodles. There are cranberries and cranberry sauces, stuffing mixes, bags of potatoes, cans and powders and broths for making gravy, and then - there it is - the frozen meat aisle ladened with turkeys the size of Noah's Ark. Well, not quite, but sometimes it seems that way.
And amid all the excitement—and if you're not already feeling the pangs of loneliness—come the television ads and the conversations around you. Ads with heartwarming homecomings, table gatherings of families and friends, smiles, laughter, community, and thankfulness. There are the folks at church on Sunday sharing their Thanksgiving plans and travels, patiently laughing about the elderly aunt or uncle who will always complain about how dry the turkey is, and those people who are so overwhelmed with everything they need to do that they can hardly think!
You know where this is going, don't you?
Then there is you. You're either partaking in the conversations good-naturedly, or you're avoiding them. Your Thanksgiving looks quite different this year. Instead of all the above, you're planning on a quiet day at home—like usual. Alone, like usual. Maybe you'll have some chicken soup from a can in honor of fowl-feathered friends being the table's centerpiece. If you care, you'll watch a Thanksgiving day parade, but more likely, you'll just put a puzzle together, read a book, or maybe chat on the phone with a family member from far away. But in short, you'll be alone.
This scenario is not uncommon. It's quite familiar for many people, whether you're young and living too far away from home to spend the money to get home. Or, you're elderly, your spouse has passed away, kids are scattered across the nation, and your grandkids all have their own lives. Perhaps you're that person who never really had family and doesn't really connect well with other people, so you find yourself alone. Maybe your special needs make traveling outside your home impossible, and somehow, people forget about you in the madness of thankfulness.
Whatever the reason, you're lonely. You'll be spending Thanksgiving alone.
How do you get through the holiday by yourself? How do you cope with the loneliness? How can you celebrate, because maybe you really do want to celebrate it and don't know how?
Here are a few things to think about and consider:
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/DGLimages
1. Accept That You're Alone
This is brutally harsh, but the sooner we accept that we are alone for the holiday, the sooner we can pull ourselves out of the quagmire of loneliness. Sometimes, we spend an awful lot of effort trying to convince ourselves that we are just fine, that we've done this before, and that this year shouldn't be any different than last year, while inside, we're harboring emotions ranging from grief to hurt, anger to annoyance, and lost to aimless.
It's okay. In fact, as so many artists have put to words now in songs and books, "It's okay to not be okay." In fact, it's healthier to stop pretending you're fine or holding yourself to a standard that says you should be stronger than you are.
Accept the difficult truth that you're lonely. Then, decide to do something about it.
2. Consider Your Options
But you don't have any options? Offhand you're probably right. There are no options. But take some time to dig further and see if this is true. Does your church have a Thanksgiving dinner planned for church family that needs a place to be? Does another church in your community have something planned? (Sometimes, we forget to look outside our home church's walls). Is there a community center that has activities planned? Perhaps some families have posted on social media an open door for people who need a place to go (probably more popular in smaller cities).
If you take a proactive approach toward Thanksgiving, you will most likely find many options you can be a part of. Yes, the difficult part is you may have to go alone, and that's not always comfortable. But, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, you'll find many folks at these types of events that are actually looking for you. They're also looking to meet new people to build a community and forge new friendships.
3. Build Your Options
Didn't like the idea above? Maybe it's too much at the mercy of others' planning. Or perhaps it's just too far out of your comfort zone. How about if you plan your own Thanksgiving? It's not difficult to find others who need a place to go. Offer to host a dinner for a few people. Can't cook? Have it catered in by a restaurant. Or, if you can't afford it, get creative and suggest everyone bring a dish to pass and start a new Thanksgiving food tradition. Worst case scenario, ask people just to come and bring their own supper and be together because the holidays are all about being together—old friends and new.
4. Be Happy Alone
Ouch. But let's face it, some of you have read the ideas above, and frankly, you're already retreating to your house and protesting the number of people involved. If that's the case, ask yourself if you really want to be part of Thanksgiving or if you've fallen for the stigma that you should be, when in reality, you would rather look forward to being alone.
Not everyone likes family gatherings! Not everyone enjoys gatherings! So hey. If you're one of those people, permit yourself to kick back for the day. Be happy alone. Quite a few do it, and quite a few flourish there. It's okay.
Thanksgiving isn't a holiday of rules. It's more of a holiday of expectations. Sometimes those expectations are lost hopes, sometimes they're too hard to achieve, and sometimes they're simply unwanted expectations you'd rather do without.
But unmet expectations are often what makes Thanksgiving the loneliest. We have a vision in our minds of what we want, and we have a world where that just isn't going to happen.
Ask yourself: can I change my Thanksgiving future? If you can be proactive and pursue change, then do it! If you can't, and you're trapped where you are, don't be afraid to reach out to your local church or a local church and ask if there are any options for shut-ins, those with special needs, or for the elderly.
Last year was the first Thanksgiving without my mom. It was also the first Thanksgiving of grief and loss for another family in our church. Plans for Thanksgiving had splintered, and several of us were feeling alone. It wasn't my instinct to decide to create my own Thanksgiving. I can't cook, so where I'm concerned, every living turkey praises Jesus for people like me. But I have a house. Not a fancy one. Not even an organized or remarkably clean one. You know the others didn't mind? One brought the turkey—poor gobbler. Another paid me some cash so I could buy things like pumpkin pie and dinner rolls. Somehow mashed potatoes and stuffing got made. And yeah, I opened a can of cranberry sauce and made it work. The fact is, we had Thanksgiving. A motley cru of people who would not have normally found their way to the same house, let alone for a family holiday.
It worked. And that night, in the silence, my widowed dad wandered home to his empty house. Alone. And I received a text that said, "I've never felt so full in all my life. Thank you, my little turkey."
Reach out a hand this Thanksgiving. You may be surprised who reaches back.
