How to Handle Family Pressure During the Holidays
Autumn & Thanksgiving
Audio By Carbonatix
By Liz Lampkin, Crosswalk.com
The holiday season is upon us, and preparations for gatherings and celebrations are underway. For many, the holidays are a time to spend with loved ones, reminiscing about past holidays and catching up on the new adventures of life. While the holidays are typically a joyous season, for some, they can bring about anxiety and depression for a number of reasons. For many, this time of year serves as a reminder of lost loved ones, anxiety about gift giving, or various feelings of loneliness. On the other hand, many people dread the holiday season because of upcoming family gatherings. Whether we want to believe it or not, anxious feelings and depression come from the thought of family gatherings for various reasons. Unresolved emotional baggage, conflicting values, repressed emotions, or historical conflict can make family gatherings unbearable—they may not know what to expect when it comes to family interactions. As we approach and prepare for the holidays with family, consider a few ways to manage your family dynamics, maintain your sanity, and strengthen relationships.
Prepare Yourself in Advance
Before heading to family gatherings this season, take a moment to prepare yourself in advance. The first thing you can do is pray for peace and ask God for guidance with family interactions. The next thing you can do is bring along distractions, such as a book, or ensure your phone is fully charged so you can play a game or download a book. You can also plan an exit strategy. Set a time to leave and stick to it. This way, you won’t feel overwhelmed or obligated to stay around longer than your emotions can handle.
Set Boundaries That Honor Your Emotions and Mental Health
Whether we want to admit it or not, many of our family members can cause mental and emotional stress to our well-being. To avoid this, during the gatherings this year, take some time to identify who triggers you and why. Once you’ve identified your triggers, take some time to decide how you will address or avoid that family member. You can also state your needs clearly to avoid conflict or create an uncomfortable situation. Setting boundaries that honor your emotions in advance demonstrates your emotional maturity and allows you to protect your well-being, even among your loved ones. It also shows that you are willing to maintain a bond with your family, but not at the expense of your health, and that’s okay. As you prepare to attend a family gathering, take a moment to establish boundaries that prioritize your well-being.
Understand Old Expectations and Set New Ones
Family expectations are the spoken or unspoken rules and decorum established by previous generations of family members that typically govern the behaviors, careers, and even relationship choices of family members. While these expectations can be helpful in shaping the lives of individuals, they can also create stress if they conflict with an individual's personal desires to create new expectations, which can lead to conflict between family members. So, this holiday season, when you’re amongst family and the time comes for questions and conversation, and you want to address old expectations by making the new ones you’ve set for your life clear, you can do the following: acknowledge old expectations with love and understanding, but make it clear that they don’t work for your life. Once you’ve taken these two steps, allow your family time to embrace or reject your expectations, but be at peace with your declaration. Setting new expectations for your life that may go against the family norm is not an easy thing to do. However, for your continued growth and peace of mind, it is a necessity.
Think Before You Respond
Family gatherings are often filled with love, laughter, questions, and conversations. For many, much of the conversation and questions can be filled with uneasy moments that can trigger a myriad of emotions. With those emotions can come a variety of responses that can cause hurt feelings and discord. During your family gatherings this holiday season, if you are approached with uncomfortable questions and conversation, take a moment to pause and think before responding. This will allow you time to remove your emotions from the response, and give a response that is focused on truth and love. The purpose of rendering a response, in any situation, is to provide an answer and advance a conversation. As you engage in conversation with family and they ask questions or make unsolicited comments, consider how you will respond. Ensure that the response you give brings you peace and moves the conversation forward.
Choose What You Decide to Share
There’s an old saying that goes, “Sharing is caring,” meaning that giving something to others is a way to show kindness. While this may be true, when it comes to sharing details about your life, it’s important to remember to be careful and kind to yourself and decide carefully and prayerfully what you will share with your family. When you overshare, you become vulnerable to criticism and manipulation. Not only this, but when you give too much personal information, others may share it without your permission. This holiday season, be mindful of what you decide to share with your loved ones to maintain your peace of mind.
Remove Yourself When You Can
Removing yourself from an uncomfortable situation with family may sound harsh, but it’s not. Removing yourself from toxic family environments allows you to protect your mental health, and believe it or not, it can help salvage family relationships. So if you feel the need to separate yourself from family during gatherings, you can identify an open space where you can isolate yourself until you are ready to socialize again. If there are no safe physical spaces in sight, the best course of action is to leave the gathering. If this is the case, make a peaceful exit so as not to draw attention to yourself.
Choose and Redirect Your Conversations Wisely
To choose and redirect your conversations wisely, you can practice your responses by mentally rehearsing phrases and responses, or respectfully redirecting conversations by saying things like, “Let’s talk about something else,” or “I’m not ready to openly discuss this.” However you phrase it, be sure the redirection is respectful and honors your boundaries and your family members' feelings.
Manage Your Obligations
The holiday season is the typical time of year for family gatherings; however, it’s perfectly fine not to attend. Taking care of your mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being is your top obligation every day of the year, so if it is your desire not to attend a family gathering, don’t. And, you don’t have to provide an elaborate explanation as to why you chose not to attend.
Holidays can be stressful for anyone if you allow them to be. This year, make your needs a priority, and choose to handle your family with care while prioritizing your needs. It’s okay to choose you so that you can get through the holidays with family without making it feel like a chore.
Related:
Family and Boundaries: How to Maintain Your Peace This Holiday Season
6 Questions You Are Not Obligated to Answer This Thanksgiving
A Thanksgiving Prayer for Family Unity
Author Liz Lampkin is an experienced writer, teacher, and speaker. She is an advocate for singles who encourages them to live their best life God’s way. Follow her on Instagram @Liz_Lampkin.
