Nagging Gets You Nowhere - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - December 1
Crosswalk Couples Devotional
Audio By Carbonatix
By Betsy St. Amant Haddox, Crosswalk.com
Nagging Gets You Nowhere
By: Betsy St. Amant Haddox
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand. - Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV)
No one likes a nag. As evidenced in Proverbs 27, nagging is as annoying as a continual dripping on an already rainy day. Have you ever been subject to your spouse's nagging? It can be a very defeating, discouraging time. Worse yet, have you ever nagged your spouse? If so, you can relate to the hopelessness that takes over. As a wife, I can attest to feeling at times like my mouth is running away with me, and I can't seem to stop the stream of negativity from spewing. Even though I don't want to do that, I often feel like I can't help it.
One common type of nagging shows up in the form of reminders. My husband and I often struggle with communication here. He'll commit to doing a task--say, cleaning the toilet. I might assume he meant that day, or that weekend, but in his mind, he meant he would take care of it when he could. As the days pass, I'm tempted to point out it hasn't been done yet. He views this as nagging, yet I'm thinking it's just a simple reminder in case he forgot. I'm trying to be helpful! Yet an argument ensues. This type of miscommunication is all too familiar with married couples, regardless of how long you've been hitched.
There's no easy answers, except perhaps this-- if we pray more and "nag" less, we'll see better results. Even if you feel like you're not nagging and are totally justified in what you want to say, going to the Lord in prayer first can bring incredible results. You might think "Hold on, now. The Lord doesn't care about my toilet." I beg to differ! The Lord absolutely cares about the peace in your home, your marriage, and the way you, as spouses, treat each other as image bearers. That includes conversations about chores!
Our marriages are reflections of the relationship between Christ and His Bride--the Church. If the Lord knows the number of hairs on your head and cares about sparrows, as evidenced in Matthew 10:29-30 (ESV) Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered - then we can be assured that He cares about all the elements of our marriage.
Biting your impulsive tongue in moments like these, and starting with prayer instead, means you're checking your own motivations. If you are coming at the "reminder" from a prideful, haughty or manipulative spirit, that's your chance for the Holy Spirit to convict you and bring to mind a different route. Consider the wisdom here. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1, ESV) Words matter. There's a difference between "Hey, why haven't you done this yet?" and "Hey hun, just a reminder about the toilet whenever you get a chance." Heart posture is everything, and it will be evident in our words and body language toward our spouse.
Maybe you struggle less with communication issues in this department, and more with true nagging. Maybe you're dripping and can't seem to turn off the faucet. This usually stems from control tendencies born of trust issues. Perhaps you don't trust your spouse to do what they promised to do. Or perhaps you're afraid that they won't do it as well as you would. These are areas of our life we can turn over the Lord and pray to resemble sunshine instead of rain. We don't want to have negative hearts and harsh words that run away with us, to the point that our ceasing is as impossible as grasping oil or catching the wind.
The next time you catch yourself about to nag, pray instead. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the real motive of your heart. Is this a control or trust issue? Or something that genuinely needs to be said? Do a heart check and proceed with grace and gentle words.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/RgStudio
Betsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of over twenty romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her hubby, two daughters, an impressive stash of coffee mugs, and one furry Schnauzer-toddler. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored to truth. When she’s not composing her next book or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can be found somewhere in the vicinity of an iced coffee. She is a regular contributor to iBelieve.com and offers author coaching and editorial services via Storyside LLC.
Related Resource: The Five Languages of Apology, with Dr. Gary Chapman
In this insightful episode, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned author of The Five Love Languages and The Five Languages of Apology. Together, they explore how understanding both love and apology languages can radically improve relationships. Dr. Chapman unpacks the five core ways people express and receive love—and explains how offering sincere, well-matched apologies can be just as vital to healing and connection. The conversation highlights the power of empathy, emotional communication, and forgiveness in maintaining strong, healthy relationships. Whether you're married, dating, or simply want to love others well, this episode offers powerful tools to deepen your relational bonds. Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
