Forgiving Your In-Laws for Favoritism - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - February 5
Crosswalk Couples Devotional
Audio By Carbonatix
By Michelle S. Lazurek, Crosswalk.com
Forgiving Your In-Laws for Favoritism
By: Michelle Lazurek
“Then Peter began to speak: ‘I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism.”’ Acts 10:34
During his first Sabbatical after many years in the ministry, my husband spent hours in prayer and connection with the Lord. When I asked how he was doing, he began to share some things the Lord had been pointing out to him. He then discussed how much the weight of favoritism had affected him and his family. Because his father favored him, his siblings often rejected him, resentful of the extra attention he received. When his father died, his mom didn't pay much attention to him. I began to fully understand the weight of favoritism, the fractures it causes, and the relationships it damages.
Favoritism means showing bias or partiality toward one person over another. Although he received partiality from his father, his mother showed partiality to his sister and brother. This became glaringly evident after his father died. With this new information, we both agreed we would pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help him forgive his mom and his siblings for this favoritism and the damage it caused in his life. Even though he longs for a better relationship with his siblings and his mother, the reality is that, after so many years, it has become more difficult.
God is a just God. He does not favor one person over the other. Peter understood this in the book of Acts, and we need to realize this today. Although it may seem this way when those who turned toward him get salvation and those who don't do not receive the gift of salvation, it all has to do with free will. He loves all his children equally. No matter what they've done, no matter what they've done with their lives, the Lord loved them all. With God (like relationships with parents and siblings), we never have to earn his love. He gives it freely to everyone who chooses a life with him.
If you are a parent, have you ever shown partiality toward one child over the other? Have you ever said to one child, “I wish you were more like…”? Although this sin is not often discussed among church members or in sermons, favoritism can have detrimental effects not only on relationships with family but also on your relationship with God. This sin can also cause harm to grown children and their spouses. Not only must a child forgive their parents, but a spouse must also forgive their in-laws for the damage they inflicted on their child.
Because it's easy to see who God is through the lens of an earthly father, it is easy to confuse the two. However, God does not act the same way our earthly parents do. His love is perfect, and He loves all of us equally.
Take the time to forgive your parents or siblings if you were the victim of favoritism. If you were someone who was highly favored in your family, think about what effect it had on your other siblings. Go to them and try to make amends. Although you don't have to be sorry for something that was not your fault, you can try to mend the relationship. If you were someone who was not favored in the family, do your best to forgive the sibling who took that attention away from you. Remember, they were children. In the same way you would have loved to have extra attention, your sibling took what was given to them without questioning it.
Try to make amends if you can. Even if many years have passed between you and your sibling, it's never too late to repair a relationship. Forgiveness is necessary and offer it freely. Even though it may still feel nice to have unwavering love and affection, it can have a detrimental effect on the rest of your siblings. Don't allow that parent to continue triangulating.
If necessary, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your parents, letting them know the fracture they caused in your relationship. Even if they don't ask for forgiveness, offer it to them. Do your best to salvage what's left of your relationship. God is a God of redemption in hope. A situation that may feel out of control and impossible to fix may, after all, be something God can repair.
Father, let us be people who forgive our in-laws for the sin of favoritism. Let us be reminded that they are human beings too and make mistakes. Help your spouse forgive their parents for the damage their sin has caused. Help them to offer forgiveness and ask for forgiveness when needed. Amen.
Related: What Does the Story of Jacob and Esau Teach Us about Favoritism in Parenting?
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spritual Reset Podcast. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.
Related Resource: The Five Languages of Apology, with Dr. Gary Chapman
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