A Prayer When You're Picked Last - Your Daily Prayer - February 9
Your Daily Prayer
Audio By Carbonatix
By Peyton Garland, Crosswalk.com
A Prayer When You're Picked Last
By Peyton Garland
Bible Reading:
“Dan’s troops went last, marching behind their banner and serving as the rear guard for all the tribal camps...” Numbers 10:25 (NLT)
Listen or Read Below:
I was a scrawny, wire-legged kid who was never, ever a top pick for games like dodgeball. I had no strength, no agility, and no intimidation factor. I brought little to the team outside my unathletic ability to turn sideways and hide between the larger kids until I was one of the last ones remaining. It was always a matter of survival, always retreating, always hiding.
This soon became a subtle trend in my life. By thirteen, I was unknowingly battling a debilitating mental disorder, and with no support, guidance, or knowledge to explain my condition, I learned to keep shackles around my heart, mind, and mouth.
I discovered I didn’t function like others. My thoughts were far more anxious, and my ruminations were too obsessive to dare mention to anyone. So I kept quiet. I was more normal, seemingly likeable, at least, when people didn’t know my whole story.
Thus, I healed slowly. Very slowly. I was 25 before a professional diagnosed me with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It felt as if I had lost so much time as a mere survivor of this disease. In truth, it robbed so much of my childhood and made me wary of my faith. I had lots of head and heart work to do.
Now, I often think to myself, I wonder who I would be today if I had received the help I needed as a child. I would be over a decade deep into healing, and I would be so much more [fill in the blank with any example of a healthier version of myself].
My healing came at the end of a life season meant for youthful bliss, for wide-open fearlessness. It’s as if my healing came delayed, as if God skipped over me while everyone else was selected for supernatural answers and peace. In a way, I felt emotionally, mentally, and spiritually robbed. Some days, I still grieve this idea.
After all, what could be the purpose of such torture? In unknowingly battling a crippling, debilitating plague on the mind for years and years and years? Why would God allow such a thing, especially for a child who only longed to please Him?
But then I consider this verse in Numbers and how God had a specific order that He designated for each tribe of Israel to pack up and travel through the wilderness.
There were hundreds of thousands of Israelites, so it’s only natural that we would assume being the twelfth and final tribe must have been a bit miserable. But, as usual, God’s chosen order wasn’t by accident. In being chosen last, the Tribe of Dan was also selected to protect and defend the other eleven tribes from any threats that could approach from behind.
The Tribe of Dan brought up the rear for a God-appointed reason. They were to go last to preserve the whole nation. They weren’t picked to survive the waiting. They were picked to become warriors of the blind and defenseless.
Often, being chosen last stings. In a fallen world, this makes you believe that you aren’t talented enough, strong enough, pretty enough, rich enough, worthy enough, Christian enough, etc.
Yet God never used our manmade methods or our narrow ways of thinking. As Christ says in the Gospels, “So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen” (Matthew 20:16, KJV).
Hallelujah to a God who isn’t controlled or limited by our fickle thoughts and perceptions! Praise the Lord who sees His children and chooses each for a divine purpose, no matter the order our names are called!
May we rest in the sovereignty of a God who is good and discover that we are often picked last for a beautiful, divine reason.
Let’s Pray:
God, thank you for your majesty, power, and wisdom. Thank you for being a God who chooses sinners to establish and grow your kingdom.
Grant us the knowledge of your heart when we want to question our life season or take things personally when we don’t feel we are seen or chosen on time. Grant us guidance in waiting, and may we find joy in the order you choose to work. May we trust your supremacy and sovereignty.
We love you, Father. In your holy name, Amen.
Share your reflections on today’s devotional in the Your Daily Prayer discussion on the Crosswalk Forum.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/CandyRetriever
Peyton Garland is an author, editor, and boy mama who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. Subscribe to her blog Uncured+Okay for more encouragement.
Related Resource: What If God’s Heart Toward You Is Kinder Than You Think?
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