4 Ways to Help Your Teen Navigate Being Back at School
Back To School
Audio By Carbonatix
12:45 PM on Monday, September 16, 2024
By Amy Betters-Midtvedt, Back To School
1. Prepare where you can and then make room for emotions.
I often find just starting to shop for school supplies brings out all the emotions in my people, hence the big feelings about the water bottle. It can be a super challenging time. Some kids might be excited to be back at it, and others may be in full-force dread.
We might be feeling the same way, depending on our kids' situation. There is so much unknown, they may be worried about not having friends in their classes or in school, they may feel academic pressure or worry over making a team. Everything feels sort of thrown up in the air at this time and no one is exactly sure where it will land.
Our kids need a place to go with these emotions. Let them know it's ok to feel what they feel. Talk through the parts that are tough you'll know where any out of left field teen angst might be coming from. Talk to them about your feelings, God gave us these feelings to help us, they are nothing to fear. If you are feeling unsettled or stressed, name it and encourage them to do the same.
Let them know their worry and stress are normal. Helping them understand complex emotions at any time of transition can help keep your home from becoming a pressure cooker. Remind them they have made it through the years before, and they will make it through this one, too. Soon enough, they will have a new normal routine.
2. Prioritize sleep and nutrition.
Overtired and hungry teens are just like overtired and hungry toddlers. No fun. When routines change, sleep can be thrown off and so can any sort of meal time. This can be a recipe for disaster.
We always struggle with new practices and routines around here, so it helps to do a little meal planning and prep and be sure you have easy-to-grab healthy foods your kids like on hand. Or not-so-healthy ones; whatevs. This is not the time to take some sort of stand on making elaborate meals. Function is where it is at. And sometimes, you will have to make them sit and eat even when they are "not hungry."
Same for sleep. Help them minimize screens at night and craft their own best routine for bedtime. Teens thrive on independence and getting to control parts of their world, so instead of just sending them to bed, help them create good habits for when they are on their own. Ask them what helps them sleep and then support them in making their best bedtime instead of imposing one of your own or just letting the chips fall where they may. The amount of middle schoolers that come to school and report being up until 2:00 am playing video games is staggering. They need bedtime boundaries and support in figuring out how to get the sleep they need, which is 8-10 hours, according to most experts. There is a lot going on in their brains during these years, so get them to bed.
Around here, we have one with elaborate skin care needs, a reading situation, and a special fan, and another that just needs to shut the door and shut off the light. All need a reminder to put their phones away for the night. It's a good time to reflect on your own end of the night, and you may even realize you could benefit from that little skincare situation your 16-year-old has going on. Lean on in!
3. Let your teen own their routines where you can.
Just like creating their own bedtime routine will help them know they still need a bedtime, creating their own before and after school study and weekend routines will set them up for not only success but eventual independence. In our house, each teen has a different way of greeting the day, needs for after-school, and ways they want to deal with homework.
Where can you let them lead the way? Talk through it first, then support them in sticking to it or changing it up if it's not working. One kid here needs rest and relaxation after school, and another needs to get all the homework done before they can relax. There is room for both! If grades are taking a hit, things aren't getting done, or people are not getting up, you can step in with greater boundaries, but let them try it on their own first.
Let them own their school work; they should be learning to communicate with teachers, figure out their deadlines, and deal with the fallout of not-so-great choices. You can guide them on the side here as long as you need to, teaching them how to write an email to ask a teacher a question or check to see when work is due and even to get these things on a calendar or make lists. Instead of watching over their grades or emailing their teachers for them, do these things together so kids have support in working toward independence.
Teens should be learning a routine for keeping track of all the things in their lives little by little. If you have kids with any type of neurodivergence expect to do this for a bit longer than you may have planned but stick with it. You may be surprised!
4. Allow for grace and flexibility from everyone. And don't forget to pray.
It can be really easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated when things aren't going well. First, you are going to need to have grace for yourself. Your schedule and routines change right along with your teens. They will likely need more of you in some ways. They may be pulling away from you in others. This is normal.
You will need to give them grace, too. Their brains are changing fast and adjusting to a new school year, and new teachers and new people will be tough on them and may not bring out the best in them either. Allow for grace when things don't go well. Breathe. Give yourself a time-out. Let them take one too. Regroup when you need to. Call a family meeting and talk it out. It is just fine to keep it chill on the weekends if you can, allow them extra downtime, a little extra sleep on the weekends, and maybe even less responsibility around the house for a bit if needed.
In the end, don't forget to pray. Pray with and for them. Give it to God and remind them that He is there with them every step of the way.
As an educator I see your kids working through their day like champs. As a parent, like you I see them often collapse at my door at the end of that day. Remember you want your home to be a haven for them where they can just be themselves but also where they can grow in independence and use those great skills they are learning about life.
A new school year is a great place to regroup and let your teens find their voices. They are leveling up each year, which is a big deal. Remember, you've got this. And when you don't? All the grace and flexibility for you, too, my friend. And God has got you, too.
Find Amy Betters-Midtvedt's book You'll Make It (and They Will Too): Everything No One Talks About When You're Parenting Teens here!
Learn more:
A lifeline of hope for parents of teens who feel adrift on the real and raw parenting journey, presented with wisdom and faith—and a touch of candid humor—from seasoned educator, mother, and Today Parenting contributor Amy Betters-Midtvedt.
“Parenting teens doesn’t come with a manual, but this book comes as close to one as I’ve ever read.”—New York Times bestselling author Rachel Macy Stafford.
As a mom with five kids ages twelve to twenty-two living at home, Amy Betters-Midtvedt found that parenting teens challenged everything she thought it meant to be a “good” mom. But in the unraveling came the building of something new and more beautiful than she could have imagined: an incredible sense of love, hope, joy, and relationship—even in the mess.
Related Resource: Exposing the Lost Landscape of Higher Education
In this episode of Christian Parent, Crazy World, Catherine delves into the critical question of how higher education is leading Christian kids away from their faith. Her special guest, David Richardson, brings a unique perspective on the landscape of higher education. With over 32 years of experience working with college and university professors, Dave sheds light on the challenges faced by Christian youth in academic settings. As parents grapple with the decision to send their children to secular institutions, Catherine and Dave offer valuable insights into understanding the challenges faced by Christian youth in higher education. By addressing the disconnect between faith and academia, this episode aims to equip parents with the knowledge and tools to support their children's faith journey in an increasingly secular world. Listen below! Be sure to subscribe to Christian Parent, Crazy World on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Resource for Back-to-School Anxiety:
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/kate_sept2004
