Is "Happy Wife, Happy Life" Biblical Advice?
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
5:00 AM on Monday, June 15
By Carrie Lowrance, Marriage
A common phrase in culture today regarding marriage is “happy wife, happy life.” This reminds me of the old saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” but what does “happy wife, happy life” really mean? And is this advice biblical?
Where did the phrase “Happy Wife, Happy Life” come from?
It is believed this phrase came about in 20th Century America. However, it could have been around since 1903. It is thought that it came from a comedic verse titled “The Work and Wages Party.” The verse encourages men to prioritize their wife’s happiness and well-being in their relationships.
Why is this phrase not Bible-based?
You may be thinking, wait, aren’t we supposed to make our spouses happy in marriage? Yes, and no.
First off, you can’t “make someone happy.” There are days when you wake up and are having a bad day, and nothing is going to change that. A circumstance in life may drastically change something for the worse, and sometimes you can’t change that perspective.
Still, although we aren’t supposed to make each other miserable, focusing only on our spouses’ happiness won’t lead to a happy union either. We can still strive to elevate our spouse’s happiness within reason. What we shouldn’t do as either a husband or wife is make our spouse an idol above God. Since we are talking about the phrase “happy wife, happy life,” we will focus on the husband.
Giving Her Everything She Wants
You can give your wife everything she wants, and she still would not be happy. We see this in society all the time. People always think, if I have that new house, car, or job promotion, I will be happy. However, they never are. They never get satisfied as the desire for more things never ends. This same mindset applies to giving your wife everything she wants. It will only lead to fights and strife in your marriage.
We Deceive Our Hearts
Have you ever wanted something, and then when you got it or it happened, you weren’t happy?
“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Jeremiah 17:9.
A great example of this is Adam and Eve. Eve got what she wanted, even with Adam close by, and when she realized it wasn’t what she wanted, it was too late.
Perpetuating Idolatry
The other issue with this phrase is that it encourages men to listen to their wives and do everything they say. It also encourages men to study their wives and do things to please them. Yes, husbands should want to please their wives and make them happy, but this can also become idolatry. When a husband’s entire focus is on his wife’s happiness, he loses sight of the most important person he needs to please God.
This can be a hard burden for men. Sometimes, his wife will be his biggest supporter in deciding for the family. However, even the most Godly wives may unintentionally cause their husbands to choose between what pleases God and what pleases them.
You Cannot Make Your Wife Happy
You won’t find anything in the Scriptures telling men to make their wives happy. We are all made in the image of God, and that is where we find our worth, meaning, and happiness. Your wife will be most happy when she is basking in God alone. This means that she has to realize that everything else is a loss compared to “the worth of knowing Jesus Christ.”
When a husband gets between his wife and God, there is a danger of him becoming an idol. However, life will bring circumstances beyond your control, and she will quickly learn that God is God and that she is satisfied with nothing less than him, her rock and provider.
This shows that a happy wife happy life is not as good advice as it seems.
Examples of Pleasing God in the Bible
Job is a great example of a man whose loyalty to God was undivided. His wife gave him some very foolish and sinful advice, and he pleased God instead.
His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die!”
But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So, in all this, Job said nothing. (Job 2:9-10, NLT)
As a husband, making sound judgments for your family is your job. It is also your job to listen to your wife’s advice and discern if her wants, needs, and wishes are foolish or wise. Your primary concern is pleasing God, and you need to rely on his guidance and your discernment to lead your family in the right direction.
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1, NLT)
Where Should a Husband Go From Here?
Step Into Your Role
You are called to be the head of your household. It is not your job to make your wife happy but to lead your family on Biblical principles and practice godliness in your home. This is a very important role that you are being held accountable for.
Get Into the Word
Read the word every day and take it into your heart. This way, you will practice it first in your own life, which will show your spouse what the Word says rather than preaching at your spouse. She will see your actions first through your boldness and the wisdom you have learned from your studies.
Understand What Makes Your Wife Unique
In understanding her weaknesses, you will be better able to serve her in prayer, humility, and love. These things cover her weaknesses. Even though she may be hurt from a past relationship, childhood trauma, or an illness, making her happy in these areas will not yield a happy life for either of you. Instead, you need to pursue God with her.
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should, so your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7, NLT)
If you live to make your wife happy as your only goal, life will not be happy for either of you. Yes, thinking of her feelings and putting her need before yours is important, but it shouldn’t be the focus. Instead, pursue God faithfully and fully, with all your heart and mind. Putting His will foremost is the most important thing.
“Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matthew 6:33, NLT)
In doing this, you will give your wife what she needs, a godly husband.
Carrie Lowrance is a freelance writer and author. She has had her work featured on Crosswalk, iBelieve, Huffington Post, and the Penny Hoarder. She is also the author of three children’s books, three clean romance books, one romance novella, three books of poetry, and one non-fiction book. When she’s not writing, she enjoys cooking and baking, reading, and hanging out with her husband, and sweet cat, Cupcake. You can find out more about Carrie and her writing at www.carrielowrance.com.
