6 Encouraging Truths for Imperfect Parents (and Why That’s a Good Thing)
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
4:30 AM on Thursday, October 23
By Gina Smith, Parenting
Imperfection Keeps Us Dependent on God
Parenting is one of the things God uses to open our eyes to how needful and weak we are. Every season of parenting opens up a new set of needs and challenges for each of our children, and we are reminded that we desperately need wisdom and strength. In the same way, God told Paul, “My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Our need is used to invite us to lean on His strength. Imperfection drives us to prayer, Scripture, and the daily reminder that our children ultimately belong to God, not us.
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Imperfection Is an Opportunity to Model Grace and Perseverance
As much as I desired to be a perfect parent, and grieved when I failed them somehow, my children did not need flawless parents. They needed parents who would model humility and grace for them. They required me to consistently live out and teach them one of life’s most valuable lessons: confessing when I was wrong and had sinned against them and asking for forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” When parents model repentance and forgiveness, they give their children a living picture of the gospel.
When our children see us fail, ask for forgiveness, and walk in God's grace and forgiveness, they observe what perseverance looks like. They can witness how God can redeem our mistakes. Romans 5:3–4 says, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” Your imperfect parenting may be the training ground where your children learn endurance and hope.
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Imperfection Builds Humility
There is nothing more humbling than becoming a parent because we are often brought to the end of ourselves in every way. When we are exhausted because of loss of sleep, we are brought to the end of ourselves physically. We are also often exhausted mentally and emotionally, as we have to deal with the day in and day out of teaching and training our children. And spiritually, we can often feel desperate for direction, being forced to cry out to God for wisdom and direction as we work through issues with our children.
I have also discovered that when we think we have it figured out, a new season comes, and we feel like beginners again. That is not failure—God bringing us to the end of ourselves so that we will humbly depend on Him. James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humility opens the door for more of God’s grace for you and your children.
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Imperfection Can Be Used to Create Deeper Connection
God wants to use our vulnerability and transparency to help us create a connection with our children. When we consistently admit our mistakes and grow from them, we are actually helping them to see that we are human. We can create an approachable and safe place for them to come. Think of the lives of David, Moses, or Peter, who were all deeply flawed men of the bible, yet extensively used by God. Their honesty about failure made them relatable. In the same way, our transparency can draw our children closer to you and provide opportunities to share about God’s grace in our lives.
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Imperfection Points to the Perfect Father
We can point our children to their perfect Father when we admit our daily imperfections. Yes, we love our children in a way that is different from any other relationship. We would do anything for them. But our imperfections can be used to point them to their ultimate source of perfect love and security. That is a role that we cannot fill. It belongs to God alone. Psalm 103:13 says, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” Your shortcomings become reminders that only God is perfectly faithful, wise, and loving.
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Imperfection Reminds Us to Find Our Identity in Christ and keep Him at the Center
If we chase the illusion of perfect parenting, we are in danger of falling into a destructive pattern of expecting a particular outcome. It will place a heavy burden on our children’s shoulders when we begin looking for their behavior and choices to match the standard we have set up for ourselves. There is also the danger of finding our identity in our kids’ behavior or achievements. God, in His mercy, allows us to fail so we remember our identity is not to be found in parenting and performance but in Christ.
Colossians 3:23 reminds us, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Parenting is an act of worship, not a performance for approval.
If you were perfect, you would not need Jesus. But because you are not, you need His forgiveness, His Spirit, and His daily strength. Remembering this will keep the gospel central in your home. It is a reminder that Christianity is not about perfect behavior but about a perfect Savior who redeems sinful people.
Your parenting journey will not be spotless. You will say things you regret, lose your patience, miss opportunities, and second-guess decisions. You will probably come to realize that some of your opinions were wrong and that some of the beliefs you believed were flawed. But be encouraged, this process of growth and learning that is wrapped up in the seasons of parenting is also an invitation to depend on God and realize that, though God does use our best efforts, he also uses our failures. Our seeking after and depending on Him honors God, but our weakness magnifies His strength, highlights His grace, and points your children to their perfect Father.
When you persevere in faithfully seeking after God, and acknowledge how much you need him, you will be able to say when your children are grown, “Look at what God did!” And not “Look at what we did!”.
Let’s Pray
Father, thank You that I do not have to be a perfect parent. Forgive me for the times I have chased perfection instead of Your presence. Help me admit my weakness and rely on Your strength. Teach me to apologize quickly, forgive freely, and model grace for my children. May my imperfection point them to You, their perfect Father. Amen.
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