Ghosting: The modern dating dilemma
Lifestyle
Audio By Carbonatix
2:00 PM on Wednesday, August 13
By Tara Mier for Spokeo, Stacker
Ghosting: The modern dating dilemma
You're staring at your phone screen. It's been hours, maybe days. The last message you sent sits unopened. There's no reply, no read receipt, just … silence. This is the experience of digital ghosting, when someone cuts off all communication suddenly with zero explanation, leaving the other person bewildered, anxious, and often hurt.
These days, most conversations happen through texts, DMs, and dating apps, so it's no surprise that ghosting is everywhere. But even though it might feel like just ignoring someone, ghosting carries a bigger emotional weight for many people. Being ghosted can leave you feeling stuck in limbo, questioning what went wrong, and struggling without closure.
Ghosting isn't some passing phase, and it says a lot about how technology is changing how people handle relationships. From the way people process rejection to how they hold each other accountable, it's changing the rules of connection, romantic or otherwise. In this article, Spokeo explores how digital communication is changing how we connect and disconnect in today's world.
Defining ghosting in the digital age
Ghosting is broadly defined as the unilateral end of communication between two people. It can be a temporary or permanent action that people use to exit a relationship. Ghosting is a modern form of emotional withdrawal. It's made possible by digital connectivity and the ease of blocking, muting, or simply ignoring messages.
Though the term originated in the dating world, its application has grown. Ghosting now occurs on dating apps, text threads, social media DMs, and even in professional emails and Slack channels. Unlike traditional breakup strategies that require some level of interaction, digital tools allow someone to disappear with minimal friction and zero obligation to explain why.
Ghosting removes not just the person, but the potential for dialogue, often replacing closure with confusion.
By the numbers: How common is ghosting
The stats on ghosting paint a clear — and pretty rough — picture. About 74% of people have been ghosted at least once while dating, and half admit they've ghosted someone themselves. It's even more common among younger adults: 84% of Gen Z and millennials say they've been ghosted.
Ghosting isn't confined to any one region, either. However, certain cities experience it more than others. According to a NumberBarn study, Washington, D.C., reported the highest ghosting rate at 76%, followed by Tampa, Florida (73%) and San Francisco, California (68%).
Among dating app users, the average user has ghosted people 3.65 times, while the average ghostee has been ghosted 2.39 times. Digital dating appears to create an environment where people feel little pressure to maintain courtesy or provide closure.
Scope beyond dating
While ghosting is often framed within the context of dating, its reach extends much further. In professional settings, “job ghosting” is increasingly common. Candidates who stop replying after interviews or employers who cut off communication mid-hiring process are prime examples. However, it is not just potential employees who are the problem. HRdrive.com reports that about 80% of hiring managers surveyed said they've ghosted candidates, stopping communication during the hiring process without providing a reason.
Ghosting also shows up in friendships. Someone you used to talk to every day might slowly stop responding to texts or withdraw from group chats, eventually disappearing entirely. Among Gen Z and millennials, friendship ghosting is particularly prevalent. The Thriving Center of Psychology reported that one in two Gen Z and millennials have been ghosted by a close friend. This has happened to more Gen Zers, as well as more often to women than men.
In each context, ghosting represents a lack of communication, but also a broader shift in how people handle conflict, discomfort, and emotional labor.
The psychology behind ghosting: Why people disappear
People ghost for all kinds of reasons, but a lot of it comes down to how they handle conflict and stress. In a study by NumberBarn, half of the respondents said they ghosted to dodge confrontation. Another 21% cut off contact when they sensed toxic behavior, and 8% did it because they just weren't feeling enough interest or effort on either side. But it's not always that simple. Behind those reasons are deeper patterns, like how we cope, what we fear, and how we protect ourselves emotionally.
Ghosting offers an easy out. It's convenient. In a world where mental bandwidth is stretched thin by endless messages, obligations, and information, people often choose emotional self-preservation over awkward conversations. Simply ignoring someone becomes a form of stress relief, albeit a socially damaging one.
As the Trauma and Mental Health Report puts it, ghosting can sometimes be a form of protection for a person's mental health. People might be dealing with anxiety, PTSD, or past abuse. For them, cutting contact can feel safer than risking conflict — especially if previous online connections raised red flags that might’ve warranted a background check in the first place. In those moments, disappearing feels easier than opening up and possibly getting hurt again.
In another recent study, psychologist Dr. Alexander Alvarado introduced the concept of reciprocal ghosting, in which both people silently pull away, either consciously or unconsciously, to avoid potential rejection. Often, both parties may interpret silence as mutual disinterest. In the same study, nearly one in three people cited mental health as a reason for ghosting.
So, sometimes, ghosting is not about the other person at all and shouldn't be taken personally. The ghoster may just be feeling emotional overload or an inability to cope at the time.
The emotional toll of being ghosted
Ghosting — a sudden end to communication without explanation — can leave lasting emotional scars. While often dismissed as a modern dating trend, its psychological effects can be profound and far-reaching.
When someone is ghosted, the absence of closure can spark immediate confusion and self-doubt. According to the Newport Institute, Research shows that ghosting negatively impacts mental health for both the ghoster and the “ghostee.” And it can have both long-term and short-term effects.
While ghosting may relieve stress for the ghoster, it can sometimes have serious consequences for the ghosted.
According to a University of Brighton study, Ghosting and coercive control were both linked to increased feelings of paranoia, while gaslighting was found to be associated with symptoms of depression. These effects remained even after accounting for people's age, income, and individual personality traits like rejection sensitivity and intolerance of uncertainty, two traits also strongly associated with poor mental health.
As for long-term consequences, the majority of single people (80%) say that ghosting makes dating more stressful. After you've been ghosted, it's common to second-guess your instincts, worry about misreading signals, or fear that it might happen again.
That sense of emotional uncertainty can make future relationships feel riskier and more fragile, especially if communication suddenly drops off. Over time, this can chip away at trust, increase anxiety, and make it harder to form secure, confident connections with new partners.
The digital evolution: How technology changed communication norms
The ghosting phenomenon cannot be separated from the evolution of communication technology. In the past, ending a relationship involved at least a phone call or, more commonly, a face-to-face conversation. There was accountability. Feelings had to be confronted. Even breakups via handwritten letters allowed for closure and explanation.
But with the rise of texting, instant messaging, and dating apps, that accountability has eroded. People now maintain relationships through apps with built-in escape hatches: block, unmatch, mute, or archive. Conversations disappear with a swipe, and so do people.
According to Delta Psychology, this shift fosters a culture where ghosting is perceived not as rude but as normal. Consider that 30% of U.S. adults have used dating apps, and 53% of people aged 18–29 use them actively. Add to that the average of 50.9 minutes per day spent on these platforms, and it's easy to see how emotional detachment becomes a coping strategy.
With so many options and ongoing conversations, digital fatigue sets in. Ghosting becomes a way to prune social interactions, albeit somewhat thoughtlessly.
Demographics and patterns: Who ghosts and who gets ghosted?
Demographic trends offer further insight into ghosting behavior:
- Gen Z is the most likely to ghost, with 77% admitting to it, compared to 61% of millennials.
- Each one-year decrease in age increases the likelihood of ghosting by 1.08 times.
Gender makes a difference when it comes to ghosting. Women are more likely to ghost than men, and they're also more likely to feel okay about it afterward. In fact, 91% of women feel relieved after doing it, not regretful, compared to 80% of men.
Sexual orientation appears more correlated with app usage and, thus, ghosting exposure. According to Pew Research, 51% of LGBTQ adults use dating apps, compared to just 28% of straight adults, possibly leading to more frequent ghosting experiences in queer communities. For safety and peace of mind, some users proactively run a people search on new matches before getting too emotionally invested.
In professional contexts, one in six people admitted to ghosting potential employers, and one in four have ghosted a workplace by quitting without notice. Ghosting also happens frequently in friendships, with 50% of adults saying they've been ghosted by close friends before.
The takeaway: Ghosting is no longer just a dating trend — it's a tool for everyday life.
Solutions and healthy communication alternatives
So, how do we put an end to the culture of ghosting? Experts recommend:
- Saying it straight. Marriage and family therapist Lindsay Huckaba recommends being honest about incompatibility or lack of interest instead of going silent.
- Setting boundaries early. Let people know how you like to communicate. It keeps things clear from the start.
- Keeping it short and kind. A quick, honest message gives both people closure without dragging things out.
For those who've been ghosted, healing starts with self-care. And that begins with the ghosted party re-framing the experience as a reflection of the ghoster's limitations, not their own.
Institutional and platform solutions
Social media and dating platforms could also bear some of the responsibility. Features like delayed message reminders, check-in prompts, and clear communication tools could encourage users to resolve conversations rather than abandon them.
Creating a digital culture of psychological safety — where people feel supported in expressing emotions — could shift behavioral norms. Perhaps more empathetic user design and in-app etiquette prompts could help reduce ghosting rates.
The future of digital communication ethics
As ghosting becomes normalized, we face a critical question: Can we balance convenience with empathy?
More than half of the people (58%) would prefer an honest message to being ghosted, but at the same time, 75% accept ghosting as a common feature of modern dating culture. This tension suggests the need for new norms that prioritize both personal boundaries and emotional respect.
Digital literacy must now include relationship skills, from handling rejection with care to exiting interactions with dignity. As online communication continues to dominate how we connect, it's time to establish values that prioritize empathy alongside efficiency.
Moving forward: A call for conscious communication
Ghosting feels easy, but it usually stings. As more of our relationships play out on screens, clear communication matters more than ever. No need to dust off your stationery. Just take a second, think about the person reading your message, and speak plainly. Choosing honesty over silence could help your relationships and create a happier, more emotionally aware online culture.
This story was produced by Spokeo and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
