Respectful dating due diligence: 10 quick checks to do before you meet IRL
Lifestyle
Audio By Carbonatix
11:00 AM on Monday, December 22, 2025
By Trevor Mahoney for Spokeo, Stacker
Respectful dating due diligence: 10 quick checks to do before you meet IRL
Meeting someone new for the first time can be an exciting experience but also a nerve-racking one. In the digital age, where many connections first begin online, a bit of premeet verification has become a matter of both common sense and common courtesy. Despite common belief, taking the time to research someone before meeting in real life is not about distrusting the other person. It's about ensuring that all parties feel safe, confident, and genuinely ready to enjoy a date.
Spokeo assembled 10 premeet checklist items developed by reviewing data from Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, Business Insider, and other top sources to ensure you stay safe while having fun.
Premeet checklist
Staying safe when meeting a new person requires both due diligence and communication, two focus areas aided by the following 10 tips:
1. Start with social media verification (3-5 days before)
Before the first date, it’s perfectly acceptable to do a quick social media scan to confirm whether the person you’re chatting with matches who they say they are. When looking across different platforms—including Instagram, Facebook, X, and even LinkedIn—try to find consistent details such as names, photos, and mutual connections that verify what you already know.
This step can not only help you feel more confident but also give you a chance to spot potential red flags. Try not to snoop too far and stick to just verifying the basics to give yourself peace of mind.
2. Request a brief video or phone call (2-3 days before)
Scheduling a short video chat ahead of a meetup is an easy and effective way to confirm a person’s authenticity, as well as gauge your chemistry with them. This natural step is something that most people welcome, as it typically takes no longer than five minutes. Aim to keep it casual to confirm that your match is genuine and to get a quick read on their energy.
3. Ask for their last name (if not already shared)
Exchanging last names before a first meetup is normal, not nosy, yet it’s a step many people fail to take. Even though you may be able to find it on your own by researching, asking shows strong communication and will allow you to confirm their identity with more certainty. You can keep things simple with a light, “By the way, I just realized I haven’t caught your last name yet. What is it?” If someone seems hesitant to share their last name even after meaningful conversations, it could be a sign to pause.
4. Confirm the venue and time (the day before)
The day before your date, send a brief message confirming both the time and place. This polite follow-up message will allow the other person to see your enthusiasm while also remaining confident that you aren’t going to ghost them. It also gives both of you the opportunity to adjust the plan if something unexpected happens at the last minute.
5. Share your plans with someone you trust (the day of)
Before heading out on a first date, it’s always recommended to tell a friend or family member where you’re going and who you’re meeting. RAINN, the largest anti-sexual assault organization in the United States, even goes so far as to recommend sharing your date’s name and when you are expecting to return as well. Perhaps even use a live location-sharing feature through your phone so your friends and family can track your movement.
6. Keep private details private until you build trust
While it can be tempting to overshare with someone early on, especially if you feel a strong connection, maintaining privacy is part of self-care. Avoid sharing your exact date of birth or detailed schedule until you’ve built a little bit of trust over time. Boundaries will protect both parties and create room for curiosity to unfold naturally.
7. Verify basic public information without overstepping
There’s a very fine middle ground between doing no research and going full internet detective on a potential love interest. Light verification, such as checking someone’s profession or general location if available online, can ensure safety without invading privacy. If your curiosity is rooted in anxiety, a short video chat to have an honest conversation could help quell your nerves.
8. Set clear boundaries for the first meeting
Ahead of the meeting, communicate with your date about your comfort level and boundaries, including topics such as meeting in a public space, splitting the bill, or leaving after a certain amount of time. Boundaries will help both parties relax and remove many unknowns that can lead to anxiety on the first date. Pairing clarity with kindness is always a good rule of thumb when setting these boundaries. In practice, this could be as simple as stating, “I’m super excited to see you! I love to have a coffee date as the first meetup; it’s a low-key way to get to know each other.”
9. Have a conversation-starter list ready (the day before)
If you’re one of the many individuals who get nervous at the idea of small talk on a first date, consider any of Business Insider’s five common questions to ask ahead of time, according to dating coaches:
- What’s your last name?
- If you had 24 hours to do anything, what would you do?
- What’s been keeping you busy these days?
- Can we set up a predate phone call?
- What’s one local activity you’ve always wanted to try?
10. Confirm transportation and exit strategy (the day of)
Before heading out, always plan how you will arrive and leave. If driving, park in a well-lit area. When using rideshare services, always double-check the license plate before hopping in. It’s also perfectly acceptable to plan an exit cue, such as having plans with friends afterward or just setting a time to leave, regardless of how the date goes. This can help you to stay relaxed and in control throughout the night.
Fostering confidence through courtesy
What is actually appropriate to verify before a first date? Generally speaking, names, location, and online social presence are fair game—essentially anything that is publicly available and related to safety. It’s never rude to ask someone to verify they are who they claim to be, especially when dating online. With that said, keep the verification and sleuthing to only what’s necessary, as digging into intimate topics or private information before meeting can be viewed as disrespectful. By balancing your curiosity with courtesy, you can meet new people with both safety and sincerity.
This story was produced by Spokeo and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
