5 Signs Communication Is a Problem in Your Marriage
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
3:00 AM on Wednesday, January 7
By Emmanuel Abimbola, Marriage
Communication is the foundation on which relationships are built. It goes beyond the regular verbal conversations that you and your spouse have from time to time. Communicating is something you do at all times to meet your spouse's needs both verbally and physically.
Every other element of love is built on communication. It is the way or tool you use to show your spouse how much you care about their feelings, how much you respect them, how much you trust, and how much you love them.
It is so powerful that nothing else works when communication breaks down. Communication is the only way you make your partner know your needs, desires, and dislikes. It is how you express your passion and intimacy with your spouse.
You communicate with your body language and physical gestures as well. When a couple has a sweet relationship, it seems they understand each other's thoughts and can please each other effortlessly. You are linked at heart and can sometimes feel you know each other's needs almost telepathically.
But when this bond or connection begins to fade away, and you two feel like strangers, it's a sign you have to work on your communication. However, many other things can quench the harmony and sweetness in marriage.
Check out some notable signs that communication is a problem in your marriage:
1. Unhealthy arguments and disagreements.
One of the red flags to look out for is when you and your spouse are having constant arguments and disagreements. Couples are naturally bound to have occasional arguments over differences in opinions. But when it becomes too often, it is a problem.
You keep having these senseless arguments over little things that naturally shouldn't count. This happens when you feel your spouse isn't being reasonable enough to understand your opinion, or how you feel, or something they do or say that bothers you. It seems they are not hearing you right when you express yourself to them. And they are being somewhat insensitive to that particular pain point of yours.
You then ignore them by shutting down that part of you that cares about their existence and what they do, or you could opt for war till they succumb to you. In this case, you will keep having these heated arguments and disagreements persistently, even over silly matters.
Soon you will feel that the connection is lost and that your loving spouse seems to have suddenly lost that near-telepathic ability to know your feelings. What you are experiencing right now is faulty communication. And you two are misusing your verbal and physical communication skills to hurt your marriage.
If you are going through this scenario, you and your spouse should sit down and talk things through. According to Colossians 3:12-15, make peace with one another and bring back the bond that once was. Both of you need to listen to one another, reason things out and have a crystal clear understanding of each other.
2. Feeling left out of your partner's life.
Do you notice your spouse no longer feels the excitement to fill you in on their daily encounters and experiences? Or you no longer have a conversation past the casual pleasantries?
When you start feeling disconnected from your spouse's life, there is a big chance your love and affection for each other are gradually chipping away. And if this is not fixed, your marriage might end up in serious trouble.
Earlier, your spouse was the only person you confided in to share your plans, thoughts, and feelings. But now, you realize this intimacy no longer exists between you. This is a serious communication problem and could arise from many different reasons.
But whatever that reason might be, you both need to fix the issue ASAP! This can be achieved by hearing your spouse out. Your inability to listen and make sense of your spouse's position on things might be the reason you're being shut out in the first place. Talk with your spouse, understand them, and try to reach a compromise if there is a need for that.
3. A decline in intimacy or emotional disconnect.
Your marriage is going through a communication crisis when you begin to feel less urge to share your thoughts and emotional feelings with your spouse. It is even worse when you feel repelled by them and emotionally disconnected from your partner. At this point, you are living as housemates or caregivers to your kids and not intimate as lovers should be.
The whole essence of marriage is oneness. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The husband and wife have become one at marriage and must share both physical and emotional feelings at all times. If this mutual feeling is no longer shared, such a marriage is heading for certain doom (Matthew 15:25).
Signs of this intimacy or emotional disconnect include the silent treatment from your partner and defensive communication. It might even extend to not having romantic intimacy as a husband and wife. Your partner is now easily put off by your touch and suggestive gestures. And you're beginning to feel you are living with a stranger who despises you.
If this is familiar, you need to act fast. The way out of this is to initiate a healthy and open-minded conversation. Never try to read your spouse's thoughts, but allow them to talk to you and don't just hear them, listen well and try to make sense of what they say, irrespective of how they say it.
4. Toxic conversations and resentment.
Toxic conversation between a husband and wife is another sign of a communication problem. A conversation between lovers is supposed to be sweet, have a loving tone, and convey mutual understanding and respect. The moment these elements are lost in your conversations, you already have a communication crisis.
When a conversation with your partner becomes toxic, resentment naturally follows. Communication is the heart of all other elements of love and what keeps a relationship alive. Once it's poisoned, many other organs of your marriage will fail, and if not fixed promptly, your marriage can die.
If you notice your partner is acting resentful or giving you attitude during conversations, you must take this seriously. This resentment can stem from you not taking your spouse seriously. Sometimes, your spouse might react unusually, expecting you to take that as a cue that they are not pleased with something you might have done ignorantly or intentionally.
Marriage is all about paying attention to everything every time. And yes, that's why it seems like a lot of work for most people. Because in reality, men are literal while women are complex and need the men to pay attention and be able to interpret their various signals. But when you don't pay attention, you miss out on the signal. This will then escalate an already volatile situation.
5. Rebellion and the need to be in the right or win.
Is your partner suddenly acting rebellious and stubborn? Do you feel your partner suddenly wants every issue or conversation to be about who is right and who is wrong? If your answer to these two questions is yes, then chances are, you're having a communication breakdown.
In this particular case, the couple will constantly go through a roller coaster of fault-finding arguments, with one person trying to prove the other is wrong until the other agrees to be in the wrong, which rarely happens. This will gradually build up to either a silent, verbal, or physical fight over something simple and harmless.
It gets worse when your spouse does unnecessary things just to prove a point. And in most cases, it will be something you do not approve of. Your partner's action might be a way of showing defiance or a form of revenge or self-destruction. Either way, this is not good for your marriage and must be fixed pronto!
Marriage is all about understanding and compromise. It doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong. You are both in it for the long haul, till death do you part. So learn to have healthy communication at all times and learn to listen and compromise with your spouse. The more you talk and listen to each other, the more you understand each other.
It is supposed to be a democracy between you two and not a dictatorship. Husbands, your wife is your partner, not your slave, so learn to listen to her and be patient enough to understand her point of view no matter how nonsensical it might sound to you at first. Wives, understand that while men are straightforward and often blunt, this shouldn't always be interpreted as defiance or hostility. Both parties must approach each other with respect and love.
Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Alex Green
Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.
