6 Habits That Weaken Physical Connection in Marriage
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
4:00 AM on Wednesday, November 5
By Jaime Jo Wright, Marriage
1. Neglecting Emotional Intimacy
First and foremost, emotional intimacy creates the foundation for trust to thrive. Without emotional intimacy, physical affection often fades as well. The absence of vulnerability, the sharing of dreams, joys, and fears, and the elimination of deep communication inevitably lead to detachment between two people. They become distinct individuals, and therefore, physical connection breaks down as well. There is no instinctual motivation to reach out to the other person when the disconnect has left a chasm between you.
2. Constant Busyness
Busyness leads to stress and chaos. We know this because it is an all-too-familiar trait in homes. Our calendars fill up with tasks and appointments, household duties increase as we acquire more and more things, children demand our attention, and even our own personal hobbies interrupt the space that we once shared as a couple. This busyness steals from us the unhurried moments that contribute toward building closeness as a couple. This is one reason we often hear that “date nights” or intentional time together is an integral part of the calendar. And it is! As we become busier, we spend fewer quiet moments together that allow for vulnerable conversations and intimate heart-to-hearts.
3. Harboring Unforgiveness
Holding onto resentment or unresolved conflicts is a physical connection killer. There is nothing that separates two people like bitterness does. Instead of finding ourselves reaching out to reassure the other that we are there with a soft touch, we end up jerking away at physical touch. Glaring with “don’t touch me” expressions. We even feel like physical connection is a forced obligation rather than an expressed need to be close. Unforgiveness, grudges, arguments that hang between us—these all become major canyons of distance, and if they go on too long, they can sometimes become irreparable.
4. Poor Communication about Needs
Communication is a critical aspect of a healthy relationship, and as it relates to physical connection, it is also a vital piece. Consider a relationship where one individual needs little physical touch to feel affirmed and secure, while the other craves it and finds that without it, they begin to doubt, question, and even wonder if they’ve done something wrong. Or, consider two people who have equal desires for physical touch, but because communication between them about what they need is nonexistent, they then give the other space in order not to be pushy. But they both are longing for the same sort of physical closeness! In either scenario, communication would solve a plethora of misunderstandings and a lack of fulfillment. However, for some reason, discussions about our physical needs often tend to take a low priority on the scale of what constitutes an important conversation. Don’t let it be! Spend time learning what the other person in your relationship truly desires and needs to feel validated, a sense of belonging, and, above all, loved.
5. Dating the Screen
Have you ever felt like your spouse cares more about their phone or the TV than you? It’s true. Screen time is not just a problem for the youngsters; adults can horribly abuse it. The endorphin rush of thumbing through reels and newsfeeds can rob your spouse of necessary time spent with you. It steals time from one another, attention, and often, the screens become substitutes for physical affection. It almost sounds ironic when you think about your spouse having a relationship or an addiction to a screen over you, but it’s true. What’s even more frightening is when you come to terms with the fact that you have a relationship or addiction to a screen over your spouse. Be very aware of how you’re spending your time, and perhaps stealing time from your relationship. It can be a quick and effective way to kill affection within your marriage.
6. Neglecting Your Spiritual Connection
Did you realize that as couples drift apart spiritually, it weakens their connection in all areas? Spiritual intimacy strengthens physical connections because, through spiritual intimacy, couples find commonality, shared purpose, unity, and a bond that is tied together because of their faith. When a connection is formed on a spiritual level, it is a natural thing for a physical connection to follow. Couples who pray together, worship together, and seek God’s presence together often find themselves developing a stronger intimacy and bond, which in turn influences the physical, emotional, and even mental aspects of their marriage.
While it may seem like an accessory to marriage, physical connection is anything but. Ignore it, and married couples will find themselves drifting further and further from one another. And the list above is just a starting point of things that might weaken this connection. Don’t forget comparisons—when you begin to compare your spouse to someone else. Or, jealousy—when you begin to compare your relationship overall to others’ relationships. These are reasons a spouse might withdraw physically, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature.
And then, there is the ever-present threat of just being used to each other. So used to each other, in fact, that we forget to foster our relationship. There is something beautiful in comfortable companionship, yes, but there can also be a danger when that comfort begins to drift into complacency. Being proactive and aware of the state of your relationship is critical. If comfort is inadvertently causing your physical connections to weaken, it may be time to assess whether you’re becoming too comfortable.
In a way, your marriage is like exercise. A solid routine will keep you healthy and moving forward at a reliable pace. Ignore exercise, and your body will begin to degenerate until you’re unable to do the things you did in the past, or your body gives out entirely. Marriage requires effort, and physical connection is an essential part of that. While attending to the spiritual and emotional aspects of your marriage, don’t forget to include the physical side as well. Develop and maintain that intimacy, especially the day-to-day physical affection that offers that reassurance that you love, you are valued, you belong, and you have commitment.
