Check Engine Light On? Signs Your Marriage Needs a Tune-Up and How to Fix It
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
4:00 AM on Monday, October 6
By Alicia Searl, Marriage
Just as our cars must go in for regular tune-ups to run properly and save us from spending extra money on those pesky check engine lights, our marriages also benefit from preventative maintenance. Regular “tune-ups” is essential to keep our unions thriving, not merely surviving.
Maybe your marriage needs a tune-up. Well, the good news is we have the best marriage manual, offering guidance on how to maintain, prevent, and spot issues while considering general overall care. This marriage manual is called the Bible. So, grab it, and let’s dig to discover what God has to say because He has all the answers to get your marriage back on the right track.
Signs Your Marriage Needs a Tune-Up
Every couple will wade through some murky waters at some point, but there are usually glaringly obvious signs that keep couples stuck in a negative pattern, rather than moving forward with hope and purpose.
Some common warning signs may include lack of communication, emotional disconnect, or distributions due to busy lifestyles, work schedules, or family events. At other times, they may be based on intimacy, frustration, or past hurts, causing resentment or bitterness to take root.
Then there are the “silent killers.” It may not be obvious at first, but as time goes on, you both begin to wonder what happened to your love. This is when you may feel more like roommates or become so hyper-focused on certain issues that there seems to be little to no hope in conquering these obstacles.
The truth is that marriage is hard, and it doesn’t always come with hazard lights and warnings. So, when the “check engine” (a.k.a. prompt from the Holy Spirit) calls for us to tune up our marriage, we mustn’t hesitate.
So, without further delay, let’s get ready to stand firm in our faith by tuning into God and starting to build a marriage that will honor and glorify Him every season.
Practical Prevention for Newlyweds
Oh, the smell of a new car can bring on a wave of excitement like no other. Its shiny exterior, with no mud on the tires and a pristine interior, presents new opportunities and limitless possibilities. It’s easy to believe that tune-ups are not really necessary at this stage, but charting into this new and unknown territory requires forethought, prayer, and purposeful intention.
Prevention is key, and understanding God’s design for marriage will guard your hearts and minds from the ways of this world. You must know God’s view on love and marriage. First, God created marriage for a man and woman to be joined together to become “one flesh” under His authority (Genesis 2:24). As both of you submit to Christ (Ephesians 5:21) and serve one another in love while embracing your roles, you invite God to be the head of your marriage.
That said, we mustn’t fail to address contentions that usually pop up in a newly formed marriage. Many conflicts fall into finance, intimacy, or unmet expectations. Openly discuss these issues by sharing your honest heart about what you expect from your union and listening to your spouse's heart. Read Proverbs 3:9, Song of Solomon 1:2-4, and Colossians 3:14 for more guidance and invite God into those conversations by praying together, seeking His will and way.
Managing and Maintaining Marriage in Midlife
The highs and lows of midlife can be exhilarating and yet extremely exhausting. One minute you’re driving around a bunch of rowdy toddlers to the park with smashed goldfish all over the car seats, and then the next thing you know, you are tearfully watching them back out of the driveway. Lots of things have happened over the years. It’s a wild and emotional ride. Marriages can be tested in this season, which is why managing and maintaining your sacred union intentionally is so crucial.
God not only calls us into a purposeful partnership, but because of His great love for us, He calls us to procreate (Genesis 1:28). However, Psalm 113:9 states that God’s plans are unique and that command varies from couple to couple. As we foster the next generation, according to God’s plan, we must realize this comes with a huge responsibility and can place undue stress on a marriage. It can cause us to mix up our priorities as we place our children and their needs above our precious spouse.
To revive a marriage that has become consumed with busyness, the kiddos, or has just become stale over time, we must shift our focus and put the spotlight back on Jesus. He must be the center of our marriage, or it will easily succumb to the heavy burdens this season brings—yes, even if they are good burdens, such as those tiny humans you created together.
If your marriage is encountering some bumps, read Ephesians 5:21-33 out loud together. Discuss it, and then share what God commands for a husband and wife. Make a promise to do your best to live it out, even if it comes with stumbling into God’s goodness and grace - daily. Remember that marriage, God’s way, serves one main purpose: to sanctify us and make us more like Christ! That comes with fine-tuning.
This week, maintain your marriage by putting God first, and then fan the flames in your union by falling in love with one another again. Mark the calendar with a date night and go have fun together!
Tender Loving Care for Classic Marriages
My dad loves cars and owns several classics, including a 1984 Corvette and a 1956 Thunderbird. He has been buying and selling old cars since I was a little girl. I even had the privilege of attending several car auctions with him growing up. He used to always say you can tell if a classic car is in good shape by the hum of the engine. So, I would bend down and listen as they revved up!
I believe the same is true for our marriages. You may be led to believe your marriage is all set, so you might as well place it on cruise control. After all, you and your sweetie are in a comfortable season and have settled down. You’re both set in your ways and see no reason to change or mix things up. Yet, make no mistake about it, that engine (your marriage) still needs to be revved from time to time, and you need to be given lots of tender, loving care to stay together in one piece.
First, it’s important to recognize the beauty of this season. If your marriage has reached this point, against all odds, that is truly worth celebrating! Honor that and thank God for His abundant blessing over your marriage. At the same time, realize that there are some things you can do as empty nesters that will allow you to continue to keep God first and lead you both with purpose. Now is the time to be intentional about connecting and communicating your needs and finding a place to enjoy life together – just the two of you.
Romans 12:10 says to be devoted to one another. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to embrace kindness, and Philippians 2:2-4 calls for us to share joy and mutual respect. Live out these truths in your marriage and rekindle your love with choices that honor one another. You can enjoy this time by taking up a fun hobby or traveling to places you’ve put off. Maybe consider serving as a mentor couple in your church, as your love story would significantly impact this younger generation.
O God, we are so thankful that you offer us the precious gift of marriage. Please provide ways to honor and glorify You as we serve and love our spouse. If we need a tune-up, help us turn to You and seek Your wisdom so that we can find our way back to the love story You first created when we said, “I do.” We love because You first loved us, and for that, we are forever grateful. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/FatCamera
Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
