How to Put Love First When It’s Hard
Marriage
Audio By Carbonatix
3:00 AM on Tuesday, January 6
By Karen Del Tatto, Marriage
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt convicted about your behavior after the fact? Unfortunately, that was me yesterday…
I accompanied my husband to a celebration of life for his boss, who had been with him for 20 years. Between being in the city, walking a city block on icy sidewalks in my Aircast boot, and riding an elevator up to the 17th floor, I was way outside my comfort zone, as I disliked all of those things. Add to that being uncomfortable standing lopsided (due to the boot) while people I didn’t know were trying to hold a conversation with my introverted self, I fear I may have come across as off-putting. I tried to rally, but found myself more focused on my own discomfort than making others comfortable…
As Believers, our behaviors can be under a microscope. Although most of the people there did not know I was a Pastor’s wife, some of the people I spoke with did. Whether people knew it or not, I did not represent Christendom in the loving manner to which we are called.
Biblical history reveals that Christianity is founded on love, contrasting with the Pharisees, who strictly adhered to the Torah, prioritizing the law of Moses over love and compassion. The Sadducees were the political party of the jews, focused more on politics than love. Zealots advocated for the overthrow of Rome by violent means, focused more on their mission than love. The Samaritans would worship only on Mt. Gerizim and considered only the five books of Moses to be from God, focused more on their form of worship than love. We can see a little bit of ourselves in each one of these tendencies. Yet when Jesus came, He and His followers had no geographical, political, or zealous agenda. They lived by the following verses…
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
Do we always live by these verses? Sadly, I’m guessing we don’t. Let’s take a look at practical ways we can love first in ALL situations.
Choosing Love Before Judgement
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34
It seems that the nature of being human is to have our own opinions, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. When it comes to a work project, it’s always good to hear everyone's opinion about how to move forward. Often, when we are in a jam, we ask someone for their opinion on what to do, and they end up giving great advice. After all, how boring would the world be if everyone thought the same way? I doubt we’d have anywhere near the number of discoveries and inventions that have happened over the years.
However, opinions can turn into harsh judgments when there is an unwillingness to hear the other person’s side or even consider their take. I’m sure we’ve all met very opinionated people who basically are saying, “It’s my way or the highway”. I confess, in something I feel passionate about, I can be the same way…
There are also times when we rush to judgment about a person based solely on their appearance… The urban legend "Jeremiah Steepek" or the "Homeless Pastor" tale describes a pastor who disguised himself as a beggar to test his large church's compassion before his introduction, only to be ignored, shunned, and told to sit in the back, leading to a powerful reveal where he challenged the congregation's hypocrisy and lack of love. I’m sure we’ve all, unfortunately, found ourselves judging in this manner.
So how do we choose love before judgment? We first remember the way Jesus loves us. He saw us in all the rags and filth of our sin and instead clothed us in white robes of righteousness. Amazing love!
Then we remember His humility. When Jesus uttered those words to love one another as I have loved you, He was demonstrating love by washing the disciples' feet at the Last Supper. Do you know what was on their feet?? The “road systems” were filled with human waste and dirt, yet there Jesus was, on His hands and knees, washing that filth off.
The next time you feel the urge to push your opinion or insist on being right, remember Jesus' humility. Step back from the situation and let it be. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is not share your opinion, let alone push it. I have found that very true with adult children. Sometimes saying nothing at all yields the most fruit.
Suppose you find yourself in a situation where you are rushing to judgment. Pray. Ask the Lord to show you that person the way Jesus sees Him. I promise, you will feel love and compassion toward them.
Loving Beyond Comfort and Convenience
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:4
As I mentioned earlier, I am someone who tends to let my comfort and convenience overshadow my love. Indeed, I did not love beyond comfort and convenience, but instead focused on the inconvenience and discomfort I was “being put through”. How sad is that? This was a Celebration of life for not one, but two people! This family was grieving the loss of their mother and father, grandfather and grandmother, who died within five days of each other.
I assume I’m not the only one whose mood goes sour when hungry and in pain. If there was ever a time I should’ve loved beyond my own comfort and convenience, it was at a Memorial Service. Now, granted, I was not rude, but the Holy Spirit convicted me about my thoughts and my more reserved attitude towards those I spoke to.
Have you found yourself in situations where, upon reflection, you were convinced that you could’ve shown love better, especially if you were inconvenienced or in discomfort?
Our verse instructs us to focus on the interests of others rather than ourselves. Jesus is our most outstanding example of loving beyond comfort and convenience, willingly suffering and dying in an unimaginable way for us. Our discomfort or inconvenience pales in comparison to this! How much more should we show love to others despite our own circumstances?
The next time you are in a situation that may challenge you, seek the Lord’s strength and ask Him to show His grace through your discomfort or inconvenience. I promise that by showing love in that circumstance, you will be blessed. I can attest to that, as just this weekend we had an opportunity to help someone out whose family had the flu by taking their grocery list and going food shopping for them. Not exactly what I like to do on a Saturday. However, what I was not expecting was how it lifted my own spirits to help someone else. In God’s love for us, when we show love to others, He loves us back.
Making Love a Daily Decision
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
The above verse encapsulates the practical approaches we have discussed for prioritizing love. Let’s break it down a little further by showing how we can make putting love first a daily decision.
To act justly daily is to do what is right, pursue righteousness, and be a part of equitable systems, which can involve advocacy, community support, or even small daily
actions that help others. If that doesn’t model the love of Christ in action, I don’t know what does. There is no shortage of ways we can show our love daily.
To love mercy is to show compassion, kindness, and steadfast love to others, especially those in distress, and delight in acts of relief. It doesn’t take much to find those who are suffering, whether emotionally, physically, or financially. Our families, church homes, neighborhoods, towns, and states all present opportunities where you can make a daily decision to show love to another.
"To walk humbly with your God" means to live in dependence on God, acknowledging His sovereignty, and following His example, rather than walking in pride or self-righteousness. Spending time in the Word, learning about Jesus and His life, we will then have His example to model each day of our lives.
Let us be intentional in showing Christ’s love to others in all that we think, do, and speak. By making love a daily decision, we will bring Glory to God. Indeed, they will know we are Christians by our love.
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to love others even if it isn’t easy. Holy Spirit, bring to mind the loving habits of Jesus when we are struggling to love others and help us put them into practice. In Jesus' Name, Amen
In what area of putting love first do you struggle?
What will you do this week to put love first?
Related Resource: How to Team Up for a New Day, Week, Month, and Year
In this best-of episode from our archives, we’re talking about how you can team up not just for the new year, but for every minute, hour, day, week, and month of the year! Listen in as we share three practical ways you can walk in unity. We also talk about spiritual warfare in marriage, what that might look like, and share thoughts on how to navigate it hand-in-hand. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Gus Moretta
Karen Del Tatto is a blogger, author, women's ministry leader, pastor's wife, mom, and grandmother who is passionate about the Word of God. Her blog Growing Together in Grace and Knowledge and her books Choosing to Trust God: Breaking the Habit of Worry, A 30-Day Devotional and Choosing to Trust God Companion Journal reveal her heart for providing Biblical insights to encourage women to grow in and through their struggles while equipping them to overcome. Karen and her husband live in Rhode Island and enjoy walks in the woods, owling, and spending time with their grandchildren.
