7 Pieces of Bad Parenting Advice You Should Ignore
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
4:00 AM on Friday, October 17
By Alicia Searl, Parenting
1. Enjoy Every Moment
Enjoy every minute, they say, as you bounce an unsettling baby on your hip, and he is wailing at the top of his lungs - in your ear. Um, no! Let me be very clear here: you will not enjoy every moment. Being a parent is hard, and you will have unnerving moments that are not so fun! In fact, some moments, you will want to pull your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs yourself.
Realize that this comment is meant to insinuate that the days are long, but the years are short. The older we get, the shorter time seems to get as we reflect on the past with sentimental fondness, so take that comment in stride, realizing that they mean well and probably miss when their children were little.
When calamity strikes, and you find yourself in a trying moment that you are not really enjoying, hold on to this verse and recite it out loud: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
2. Mother Knows Best
So this sentiment sounds nice and all and may even make your heart flutter. I get it. What mom doesn't want to be known for knowing best? But, sometimes, we need to know our limitations. I personally would have no idea how to administer CPR, even though I took the class. My personality is to freak out first, then proceed with whatever it is that needs to be done.
On the other hand, my husband is much calmer and seems to approach challenging situations, keeping his wits about him. So, that said, sometimes fathers know best. Sometimes, doctors know best. Sometimes, other moms know best. Momma, you must lean on them! You won't always know best; you won't even have an answer sometimes, and that is okay.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
3. Breast Is Best
This is always a hot topic among moms. While we are all just trying to do the best we can for our babies, and breastfeeding has its own unique benefits, we must realize that the skill of breastfeeding in and of itself is really hard to learn. You can receive all the interventions in the hospital and have multiple lactation consultant visits while still battling an inconsistent milk supply or latch issues. Not to mention, your body is still healing from birth, so the pressure to "just get it" can cause more anxiety and stress, causing a huge emotional burden.
Oh, dear momma friend, if you have struggled to breastfeed, just breathe. This momma journey can be so trying at times, and guilt and shame can take on many forms. Please do not let this be one of them. It is okay if you don't breastfeed your baby. You and your baby will have your own unique story; it will not look like everyone else's. Embrace that. Then, find comfort in knowing that as you comfort that precious bundle and care for his needs, God will care for you (Isaiah 66:13).
4. Stick to a Nap Schedule - No Matter What!
I was that mom! The one that left the park to get home at a particular hour to get ready for nap time. If plans deviated from the eat-play-sleep schedule, then it wasn't going to happen. I will admit that I am a little OCD, and the former teacher in me kicked into hyperdrive when my oldest daughters were little. That said, we missed out on events because they didn't line up with their nap schedule.
Now, in hindsight, and after the birth of our third daughter, I had to learn the art of being a bit more flexible. I had no choice as she was being toted around to softball games that were miles away and had all kinds of crazy hours.
While a schedule can be nice and our children do well with routine, realize that life happens. It's okay if you have an "off" day. You'll both manage, promise.
5. Say Yes More
I had a former ministry leader tell me that I just needed to say "yes" more and that I was a mom of "no." To be honest with you, those words were like daggers to my momma heart. We were at the church playing at their playscape, and my two daughters, who were six and eight at the time, thought it would be fun to run up and down the church stairs and giggle hysterically. They were being extremely loud and obnoxious, embarrassing me, and this is what she had to say. I was dumbfounded and a bit angry.
Now that I look back on this situation, I believe she was reminding me to just "chill" a little bit. I tend to be a bit uptight, and my "yelling mom" mode came out on full display in church, nonetheless, making me more of a nuisance than my children. Sometimes, we need to relax and say yes to our kids having fun. Just probably should have taken all their energy outside.
6. You Should, You Shouldn't
Two words that still "get me" every single time. You should, you shouldn't. It always starts out simple enough, too. You should be careful how much your baby eats. You shouldn't let him crawl like that. You should make sure she is getting enough playtime. You shouldn't hold your baby too long. You get the picture.
These statements might mean well, and some may even deem them valuable and helpful, but dear friend, you have to just go with your gut or, better yet, your mom's (or dad's) instinct. God equipped you for this, and He has supplied you with what you need. Next time you receive an unsolicited piece of "You should, or you shouldn't advice," ask yourself if you needed to hear those words to help you. If so, graciously thank them and tuck it away for later. If not, smile, respond in love (John 13:34-35), and then move on.
7. Sleep While the Baby Sleeps
There is nothing quite like the utter exhaustion a new parent faces. Sleep deprivation is real in those first few months, and a parent will do just about anything to catch a bit of shut-eye! If you think about sleeping when the baby sleeps, it sounds good in theory; after all, a baby sleeps for about 16-17 hours a day!
However, being up multiple times at night for feedings is already throwing off your circadian rhythm and making you feel like a zombie. So, while it may sound lovely to catch up during the day, it isn't always realistic and, in fact, could mess with your circadian rhythms even more, hence making you more exhausted.
While you may get the occasional baby snuggles and doze off while they are sleeping, it's more than okay to want to do something for yourself when they are sleeping, too. Take a shower, read a book, clean. Do something that will make you feel human. Sleep at night will return. There is light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, work with your spouse on alternating hours or nights, or see if a family member can come help one night to help you catch up on some much-needed rest.
Don't take any of it too seriously, whether you have heard some of this advice or something of the like (or you get a little older, like me, and start dispensing it). After all, you get to decide what is best in the end for you and your baby. The best part is that you have a loving God who is helping you each step of the way – so trust Him!
