5 Ways Phones Are Hurting Your Parenting
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
6:28 AM on Friday, January 16
By Vivian Bricker, Parenting
1. You Are Not an Active Listener
One way your phone is hurting your parenting is by affecting your listening skills. Your children need you to truly listen to them. This is especially true for children who struggle with mental health concerns. Even if you do not fully understand their struggles, you can listen to them and validate their feelings.
If you want to connect with your children, you must be an active listener. Fully focus on your children. Pay attention to what they are saying and avoid getting distracted. Be fully present in their lives.
Children have their own unique struggles, and they need to talk with their parents about these feelings, concerns, and worries. By taking the time to sit with them and listen, they will finally feel heard. Your children cannot connect with you unless you listen to them.
Jesus took time to listen to those around Him during His earthly ministry, and we need to do the same. The Lord values each human, and He continues to listen to each of our prayers every day (1 Peter 5:7). Rather than disobeying Jesus, we can follow His example by being an active listener. The next time you are in a conversation with your child, help them feel heard and genuinely value what they are saying.
2. You Are Not Being Intentional
To connect and build relationships with your children, you have to be intentional. You cannot be passive, nor can you be on your phone for hours. If you really want to connect with your children, you are going to have to be intentional in spending time with them, listening to them, and being there for them. Building a strong bond with your children does not happen overnight; it takes effort and intentionality.
Invest in their lives by putting the phone down and giving them your full attention. If your son loves to play basketball, shoot a few hoops with him. If your daughter loves tea parties, organize one with her and her friends. Think about what your child loves and be intentional in their lives.
Your phone is only causing you to become distant from your children. Every time you pick up your phone instead of spending time with them, you are hurting them. These actions make them question their worth. They may wonder, Why does Mom like her phone more than me? These thoughts weigh heavily upon a child’s soul. Start being intentional in your parenting, and you will build lasting trust, support, and love within the family.
3. You Are Not Involved
You cannot expect to form bonds with your children unless you are involved in their lives. If you turn down every opportunity to spend time with your children, there will be no way for your parent-child relationship to grow. It is tempting to unwind by scrolling on social media, but your children need you. They want Mom and Dad to be involved in their lives. Children want their parents, not the back of a phone.
Being involved in your children’s lives takes time and energy, but it can be the most rewarding part of parenting. Being involved in your children's lives will help you be the hands and feet of Christ to them. Jesus was involved in the lives of those around Him. He loved, cared, and supported them with His entire heart. Jesus tells us, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).
If you neglect spending time with your children, you will be sending the message that you don’t care about them. This is why you need to be involved in your children's lives. When you make plans with your children, you need to follow through and connect with them on a deeper level. Rather than being distant, you need to be actively involved in your children’s lives.
Ask your children what they want to do this weekend. Ensure you are having individual time with them. Be involved in their daily routines, pick them up from school, recruit their help for dinner, host an arts and craft party after dinner—the possibilities are endless! Connecting with your children on a deeper level will help heal any damage or bleeding wounds.
4. You Are Not Going Out of Your Way to Help
You are not participating in proper parenting if you are failing to go out of your way to help your children. Being obsessed with your phone is the number one reason you are missing your children’s lives. Your children need your help. For example, they may need your help for a school project. Sit with them, listen to their ideas, and go out of your way to help them.
Helping your children is a privilege. When your children trust you with their struggles and feelings, it is a true honor. Genuinely loving someone and caring about them means practicing what you preach (1 John 3:18). You cannot say you love someone if you are not willing to go out of your way to help them. This could mean sacrificing some of your free time, doing your own research to best help them, or just being a listening ear.
Help your children in the best ways you know how. Pick them up from school when it is raining. Call them when they are at a sleepover to remind them you love them. Write them a handwritten note in their lunchbox. Do something that makes your children feel special. Put down the phone and be involved in your children’s lives.
5. The Phone Has Become Your False “God”
Social media, instant messaging, and the internet are all just a click away. It is very appealing to just melt into our phones. Being addicted to our phones is a vice. You are going to have to put the phone down if you are truly going to connect with your children. If you are always on your phone, you will never see anything around you. You will miss your entire children’s lives. It will also inhibit your ability to connect with others, build relationships, and genuinely get to know people.
Put your phone in a bag or pocket. There is no reason for your phone to be on the table while you are talking with your children. If you are on your phone when your child is talking with you, it will make them feel bad. They will think they are not as important as your phone. While it might seem like a small issue to an adult, it is a major deal to a child.
When talking with your children, give them your full attention. Mute your phone or turn it off if it is too tempting. Choose to focus on your children and immerse yourself fully in the conversation. Your child is sitting before you. This is your baby who is made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). Your child has their own life, struggles, and past. They are much more deserving of your time and attention than your phone.
Fast from your phone for a month and see how you feel. You may be surprised at the results. You will regain your life and family. Pray to God and ask Him to direct your steps. God does not want your life to be controlled by your phone. He is your one and only God (Exodus 20:3-5). God and your children will be pleased when you finally put the phone down.
Related Resource: A Practical Guide to Exiting Tech
We know smartphones can be really harmful to kids and teens, but what can we do about it? Clare Morell brings a practical guide to freeing kids and teens from smartphones as we kick out the tech this month. Social media and addictive video games are not safe for kids, no matter what tech companies promise. If you like what you hear, be sure to follow The Happy Home Podcast with Arlene Pellicane on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/vorDa
