5 Things Every Christian Parent Should Say to Their Teen
Teens
Audio By Carbonatix
10:30 AM on Monday, June 9
By Jaime Jo Wright, Teens
1. I'm proud of who you are becoming.
This one hits a lot of us squarely when we think about what it really means. It doesn't communicate that we are proud of their successes or the direction they've chosen to go in their lives. It speaks directly to their character—and what is more important in the life of a young Christian teen than being reaffirmed that we're proud of the choices they're making, the development of their integrity, and the faith that they are fostering?
Some reading this are not proud of who their kid is becoming. They're remembering the arguments, bad choices, and harmful decisions; being proud of them is a stretch. Adjust the verbiage some. Reaffirm your teenager that you are proud to have them as your child. Find the good that you can affirm, even if it's small. Tie it back to them being a gift from God.
"I am so grateful, and so proud and honored that God saw fit to bless me with you. You are my child, and I know that God created you for a purpose, and I can not be prouder to be your parent."
2. You can talk to me about anything.
Over the next several years, your teenager will experience times of intense soul-searching. They will have questions, thoughts, feelings, and even beliefs that may challenge or contradict their upbringing. One of the hardest things as a parent is being a safe place for your teenager to ask those tough, awkward, and spiritually challenging questions.
But asking questions is vital to transition their faith from being founded on yours. Your teenager's faith needs to become their own, and to identify their belief system, their convictions, and why they believe what they believe, they need to be able to ask questions. So it is important as a Christian parent, to be a sounding board for your teenager. Be someone they can trust to not react to their questions, or to shut down their questions with firm responses like "that's just how it is," or "you shouldn't question God."
Instead, be the parent who says, "I get that you're questioning. Let's talk about it and search out the answer together." In this culture of confusing messages, if your teenager doesn't feel they can come to you about anything and everything, you're missing out being your child's biggest influence.
3. I'm always praying for you.
There are some people who will tell their story of when they were growing up and they won't have anything profound to share about their parent's spiritual wisdom, or their parent's theological influence, and so on. But one thing they will share is how they knew their parents were always praying for them.
Prayer is a significant influence on your teenager's life. But do they know that you're praying for them? Have you told them? Have you left them feeling covered by your love and God's grace because you're taking them before the throne of God and letting them know that you are doing so?
One of the greatest gifts a parent can give their teenager is prayer, and even more so, letting them know they're being prayed for. One day, they will remember that you did so, and they'll match your prayers to difficult moments in their life when they stopped to pause and remember, "Mom was praying for me" or "Dad was talking to God about me."
Don't disregard the importance of letting your teen know that you will always pray for them.
4. Your identity is in Christ.
Culture is experiencing an identity crisis of epic proportions these days. Not only are teens trying to find their way through the criticism of peers, but now they are wrestling with who they are as a person. Gender, sexual identity, peer influence, and so on make growing up an entirely new battlefield for identity and confidence.
This is the time to reinforce with your teen that their identity is in Christ. Reinforce the basics of what they were taught as children: that they are a creation of God, that He knitted them in their mother's womb, and that they were valuable enough to God to give His life for them.
In a time when self-worth is at an all-time low, teach your teenager how their relationship with Jesus can be the foundation for who they are as people. That Jesus becomes their identity, and in Him and for Him, is how they can seek to live their lives.
Will they receive this? Maybe not. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell them. Speak God's love over their lives. Speak Christ's grace over their hearts.
5. I love you.
It may seem like a no-brainer, but as parents of teens, have you backed away from verbalizing this to your kid? When they're little, "I love you's" are thrown around very easily. Little ones are loveable, after all. But as teenagers, the cold shoulder is not uncommon. But don't let their body language and standoffishness keep you from consistently telling them that you love them.
And mean it! These three words are not little, as so many say. They are the biggest, deepest, and most critical words you will ever say to your child. So be sure when you're saying it that you're infusing it with action, too. Show your teen that not only are you saying the words, you're basing your actions on those words.
You will have many moments with your teenager that exasperate and irritate you. The same goes for them. The pitfall of being the parent of a teenager is that because of their attitudes, we often withdraw in order to keep the peace. But this is not the time to withdraw as a parent. Now is the time to speak into their lives. To continue to impress upon them the truths of who they are in the eyes of the Lord and in your eyes.
Dysfunctional? Tell them you love them. Troubled? Tell them you're proud of them. Depressed? Tell them it's okay to ask questions. Easygoing and well-balanced? The same applies to them, too.
Our teenagers need Christian parents willing to speak truth and grace into their lives. To show them the balance between recognizing and addressing sin, while giving and receiving grace.
Challenge yourself to identify the things you believe are most important to tell your teenager, and then do it. Tell them. Don't just think about it or contemplate it. Open your mouth and say the words—more than once.
When all is said and done, and however your relationship evolves with your teenager, you will only regret the things you left unsaid.
