8 Ways to Become a Better Friend and Partner through Ephesians 4:9
Relationships
Audio By Carbonatix
By Judy McEachran, Crosswalk.com
One of the great privileges of the Christian life is not simply believing in Jesus but living in a relationship with Him. Jesus did not call people merely to follow rules or adopt religious habits; He invited them into friendship. “I have called you friends,” He said, “for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).
To know Jesus is to walk with Him, trust Him, and join Him in His redemptive purposes.
Being welcomed into God's Kingdom is entirely an act of grace. Through Christ, believers receive forgiveness of sins, are declared righteous before God, and begin a lifelong journey of spiritual growth. Like a seed planted in good soil, new life begins quietly, then grows steadily—roots forming beneath the surface long before fruit appears.
The letter to the Ephesians was written to help believers understand both who they are in Christ and how to live out that identity into maturing unity as the body of Christ. Paul's emphasis on spiritual maturity was especially vital for believers living in Ephesus—a city steeped in pagan and occult practices. His call to "live a life worthy of the calling you have received" (Ephesians 4:1) wasn't abstract theology; it was urgent, practical instruction for Christians surrounded by spiritual darkness.
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1. Learn Humility from Christ's Example
Ephesians 4:9 draws our attention to the depth of Jesus’ work on our behalf:
“What does ‘he ascended’ mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions?”
Jesus did not rise to glory without first choosing humility.
The eternal Son of God descended from heaven, entered our broken world, and took on human flesh. He lived a sinless life, fully obedient to the Father, and willingly submitted to God’s plan to redeem humanity by taking our sin upon Himself.
His descent includes His suffering, crucifixion, death, and burial. Jesus entered fully into human suffering and death. Yet His death was not a defeat. Scripture tells us it was impossible for death to keep its hold on Him. Jesus rose in victory, conquering sin and death forever. As He later declared, “I am the living one. I died, but look—I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave” (NLT Revelation 1:18).
This victory is the foundation of our faith.
Eternal life is secured not by human effort, but by Christ’s finished work. Understanding Christ's descent—His willingness to humble Himself for our sake—teaches us humility in relationships. His ascension and gift-giving equip us to serve others. His victory frees us from self-protection to genuine partnership with Him and His people.
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2. Recognize the Unique Gifts You Have to Lift Others Up
In Ephesians 4:8, Paul quotes an Old Testament victory song:
“When he ascended on high, he took many captives and gave gifts to his people.”
This verse comes from Psalm 68:18, which celebrates God as a triumphant King returning from battle. In ancient times, a conquering king would lead defeated enemies in procession and distribute the spoils of victory to his people. Paul uses this familiar image to help believers understand what Jesus has accomplished.
What Israel once sang about God’s victory, Paul shows has now been fulfilled in Jesus. Christ’s enemies are not earthly armies, but sin, death, and spiritual powers. These forces, which once held humanity captive through fear and condemnation, have now been defeated.
Believers are not the captives in this procession—we are the recipients of grace. Because Christ has triumphed, He now gives gifts to His people. These gifts are expressions of grace, not rewards for spiritual maturity or signs of superiority. They are given so the Church may be strengthened, equipped, and built up for God’s purposes.
Christ's ascension brought practical gifts to His Church. Ephesians 4:11-13 names five: apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers. Their purpose is to equip—not to do all the ministry, but to prepare God's people for works of service. The goal is maturity: “so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature.”
Maturity is not optional; it is Christ's design for His body.
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3. Developing Christ-like Character Fosters Unity
Paul begins Ephesians 4 with a call to live in a way that reflects our calling in Christ. He immediately focuses on relationships within the Church:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” - Ephesians 4:2
These qualities are not personality traits; they are spiritual fruit formed by the Holy Spirit. Humility sets aside self-importance.
-Gentleness governs strength with tenderness.
-Patience allows room for growth—both our own and others’.
-Love binds these virtues together, covering imperfections with compassion rather than criticism.
Paul continues, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (4:3). Unity is not something believers create; it is a gift from the Spirit. Yet it must be intentionally protected. Peace acts like glue, holding believers together—not because we are perfect, but because we are forgiven and willing to forgive.
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4. Anchor Your Relationships in Shared Faith
Paul anchors unity in shared identity rather than shared preferences. He repeats the word one seven times—one signifying unity; seven pictures maturity:
One body. One Spirit. One hope. One Lord. One faith. One baptism. One God and Father of all.
This unity is theological before it is practical. We belong to the same Lord, are saved by the same grace, and share the same hope. Differences of background, personality, or maturity do not negate this shared identity.
5. Using Your Gifts and Talents to Serve Others
Unity does not erase individuality. Paul makes this clear:
“But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” - Ephesians 4:7
Every believer receives grace, but not in the same way. Christ distributes gifts according to His wisdom so the body may function as a whole. These gifts exist for service, not status. When believers use their gifts faithfully, the Church grows in strength, stability, and maturity.
The goal of these gifts is spiritual maturity—becoming more like Christ, no longer easily shaken, but rooted in truth and love. Growth happens as each part does its work, building up the body in love.
Spiritual maturity is not just knowledge—it's stability rooted in truth. Paul warns, 'Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching' (Ephesians 4:14). Immature believers follow the latest trend or most persuasive voice. Mature believers test everything against Scripture and remain anchored in Christ
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6. Growing in Maturity by Speaking the Truth in Love
Maturity requires both truth and love working together. Paul writes,
"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." - Ephesians 4:15
Truth without love wounds. Love without truth deceives. Neither produces maturity.
Speaking the truth in love means caring enough to be honest and being honest because you care. Address what is real while extending grace. Jesus modeled this perfectly—He never compromised truth to win approval, yet His words were always motivated by love. He confronted Peter's denial yet restored him. He challenged the rich young ruler while looking at him with compassion.
Mature believers do the same. They don't avoid hard conversations to keep false peace. They don't weaponize truth to win arguments. They speak what is necessary and redemptive, wrapped in genuine concern for the other person's good.
This kind of truthful love holds the body together and reflects Christ Himself. And we need each other to function properly. “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:16)
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7. Treating Each Other in a Way That Reflects Christ
The remainder of Ephesians 4 shows what this new life looks like in everyday relationships. Paul gives specific put off/put on instructions that directly affect how we relate to one another:
Put off falsehood; put on truth.
'Speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body' (4:25). Lying destroys trust. Truth builds it. In Christ's body, we owe each other honesty.
Put off uncontrolled anger; put on quick reconciliation.
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (4:26-27). Unresolved anger becomes bitterness. Deal with it quickly.
Put off taking; put on giving.
“Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need” (4:28). Mature believers don't just stop taking—they start giving.
Put off destructive words; put on building up.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” (4:29). Your words matter. Use them to strengthen, not tear down.
Put off bitterness; put on forgiveness.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (4:31-32). You cannot hold grudges and hold Christ's character simultaneously.
These commands are not personality adjustments—they are friendship skills formed by the Holy Spirit. They touch every relationship: marriage, family, church, and workplace. As believers put off the old self and put on the new, they reflect God's righteousness and holiness, living lives worthy of their calling in Christ.
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8. Walking with Jesus in Friendship
At its heart, Ephesians is a letter of hope and belonging. God’s desire is not only to save individuals but to form a unified people who reflect His character to the world. Though the body of Christ may appear fragmented at times, God is at work bringing unity and maturity through His Spirit.
Being a friend and partner with Jesus means trusting His finished work, submitting to His loving leadership, and allowing His life to shape ours. While believers have a role—turning from sin, growing in knowledge, and choosing obedience—the power for transformation comes from God Himself, “His incomparably great power for us who believe” (Ephesians 1:19).
The Path towards Healthy Friendships and Relationships Begins Today
Ephesians then and now reminds us that unity is God’s gift and maturity is God’s work. As believers live from their shared identity in Christ, walk in humility and love, and serve one another through Spirit-given grace, the Church becomes what God designed it to be—the living expression of Christ in the world.
If you are new to faith or weary in your walk, hear this encouragement: you are not invited into perfection, but into relationship. Jesus calls you to Himself—not to earn His love, but to receive it. He forgives, redeems, restores, and walks with you day by day.
Friendship with Jesus is not reserved for the spiritually strong; it is offered to all who come to Him in trust. As you grow in knowing Him, you will also grow in unity with His people, maturity in your faith, and confidence in His grace. And together, we become a people who make Christ visible to the world.
A Prayer for Healthy Friendships and Relationships
Lord Jesus,
Thank You for calling me into a relationship with You—not because I am perfect, but because You are gracious. Help me to walk humbly, love patiently, and grow daily into Your likeness. Shape my heart to reflect Your love, strengthen my faith, and lead me in unity with Your people, that my life may bring glory to You.
Amen.
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